Derrick has told me many stories about his time as a rogue. Andrei has told me about some bits and pieces too, but I know it is hard for him to talk about his mother’s hardships and what he has witnessed while he was rogue.
It haunts him, being rogue haunts all of us like a cloud threatening to rain down on us and the vivid memories are almost enough to drown us in despair.
They become worse than a monsoon, plunging me beneath the dark depths of the water. I can almost feel it killing me and washing away everything I have achieved. Those moments wash me bare and raw as I relive the trauma that for so long was my life.
Derrick agreed to keep my secret, but only if I have someone with me. So he spoke to Casen and Zane, and in turn, everyone in the pack knows where I go. Except for Andrei, of course.
I know that all of them hate keeping this secret from their Alpha with intense passion. However, we all know the monster he can become when faced with rogues.
We stop beside the border at the edge of the river. I stay back as Casen crosses, holding both baskets above his head as he makes it to the other side.
He places them down and picks up the empty baskets left by the very rogues we are technically feeding and providing for. Then he crosses back over.
To be honest, at first, we didn’t think it would work. But now, we find the baskets empty every afternoon when we come here to replace them with the fresh produce we grow in the fields along the mountain edge. I call it a success.
Mission accomplished, Casen and I quickly race back. We follow the treeline and stay in its shadows as we make our way back to the strawberry patches near the training grounds.
We both collapse out of breath, as we look around to check if Andrei is anywhere near the patches, lurking about.
We have had a few close calls, but what I have learned about Casen is that he is great at explaining his way out of anything.
Sometimes it doesn’t go as smoothly. The last time when Andrei nearly caught us, Casen suffered a roasting. Casen told him he heard a deer, and we went chasing after it when he found us too close to the border.
Casen was ordered to do two hundred push-ups and run fifty laps of the oval as his punishment for dragging me along and putting me in unnecessary danger.
I felt terrible, but Casen just sent me a wink and accepted his punishment like it was nothing. Though Malik had to carry him off the training ground by the time he was done.
My punishment was being forced to watch him, which was horrible. Andrei said he knew the consequences of taking me out that far. But the guilt I felt, knowing he was only out there because of me, made me nauseous as I watched him take his punishment.
That time, it should have been me who had to take that punishment. I wanted to tell Andrei, but Malik shook his head and told me to keep quiet.
We pick strawberries and place them in the baskets. “We may need to find something else soon, these patches are getting bare. Andrei will know we aren’t here picking strawberries soon,” Casen comments, and I nod, trying to think of a new excuse to slip away with Casen or the others. “How are things with you and the Alpha, anyway? Are you going to let him mark you soon?”
My face heats at his words. I turn away to look over what remains of the field and try to think.
“Come on, Sage, don’t you think he has waited long enough? He has barely left the pack in months, and when he does, he only leaves with his father, so he isn’t tempted to go on a killing spree.” He adds.
“But that’s my point, Casen. He still has those urges. He still wants to kill them. I can feel it every time rogues are mentioned.” I explain, trying my best not to snap at the poor boy.
Casen lets out a heavy sigh and nods. “Can’t say I blame him, though. What the rogues helped Jackson’s pack do was disgusting, especially to Luna Angie,” Casen mutters, averting his gaze.
The entire time I have spent in this pack, I haven’t heard even one bad thing about Angie. Everyone speaks so fondly of her that sometimes, I wish I could have met her. She sounds like someone I could have been friends with. Someone I would trust and admire.
“What about you? How do you feel about them?” I ask Casen, shifting the topic in a different direction for the sake of distraction.
“Most of us were rogues, Sage, we all know the desperation. Jackson was dangling a new life for them, promising them safety within his pack. I get it, I really do. But to kill women, children, and our elders, is unforgivable. I used to be angry, then sad, but now…” He pauses and grabs a giant strawberry. He holds it up like it is a lump of gold.
It is huge, nearly the size of his palm. Casen bites into it. “How did we miss you?” He says to it as the strawberry juice runs down his chin, and I chuckle before he passes the other half to me.
I scrunch my face up, and he rolls his eyes. He can’t be seriously thinking that I will gladly gulp down something he left his saliva on, right?
“That one is sweet, not like the rest of these sour-ass ones we have been eating,” he points out, and those temping words are enough for me to ignore the initial disgust. I bite the other half of it and pop it into my mouth.
“See?”
I nod while chewing. He is right, the strawberry is extra juicy and sweet, just like he said.