We stand next to a black headstone with silver writing on it, I look down and read the name. I expect to see her name, Andrei’s mate, Angie, but instead, it reads Lyle Wesson. The headstone has his date of birth and the photo Andrei snatched from me when I tried to give it back to Kat’s mate.
“He was way younger than I thought,” Andrei whispers, looking at the headstone.
“Yes, he was three days younger than me.” I announce, unsure of the reasons why I’m doing it. Maybe Andrei doesn’t want to know anything about Lyle, and now, I am forcing too much information on him.
He just nods and kneels right next to the grave, rummaging in the box he hands me a cloth to clean the dust from the headstone. Andrei doesn’t say anything, just nods at the stone, so I take the cloth from him.
I wipe the headstone over while he continues pulling things out. Since we both don’t talk, the silence drags on and becomes somewhat unbearable. Ever since I started talking to Andrei, not talking to him feels wrong, and suffocating.
A little unsure of what to do next, I wipe the headstone over again and again until I realize it is too clean for me to keep trying to polish it like a crazy woman. My eyes scan the stone and I slowly sit down next to Andrei on the grass. He doesn’t utter a word as he hands me a small plastic pot with colorful pansies in it. I stare at the flowers while Andrei digs a small hole in front of Lyle’s headstone with his claws and hands.
“Want some help?” A voice from behind us startles me, and I nearly jump, but somehow, I manage to remain somewhat calm as I look over my shoulder to see the keeper.
The man appears to be in his mid-forties. He is wearing overalls and a wide-brimmed hat.
“No, but can you please take that box to Angie’s grave? I will be over there in a second,” Andrei tells the man, and I can instantly tell that those two know each other.
The keeper nods and bends down to pick it up. “I will make sure they both stay well-watered, Andrei,” the man promises him, and Andrei nods.
I turn back to Andrei, assuming staring at the stranger for any longer might be considered rude.
Andrei’s hands are covered in dirt, but he looks quite pleased. “There, now you can plant it, I wasn’t sure what flowers you like, but they looked pretty,” he says with a slight, assuring smile across his lips.
I didn’t think something like this was possible, to see someone as strong and confident as Andrei look so vulnerable, yet hiding it to reassure the other person… It’s admirable.
I nod, carefully removing the flowers from the pot and dropping them in the small hole. I push the dirt back over it and pat the surrounding dirt to even it out.
Andrei opens a water bottle and pours some on the soil. We sit there, staring at the grave. Andrei is a man of few words, but I don’t feel uncomfortable, and he doesn’t seem mad that he is visiting my mate’s grave. After a few minutes, I stand up.
I miss my mate, I really do. However, I barely met the man and lost him within hours, we never had a chance to experience even a tiny fracture of the things Andrei shared with his mate before she died. As much as I wish I could cry over my mate’s death, I can’t.
“You want to go already?” Andrei asks, a little taken aback.
I just nod and offer him my hand, as if he needs any help to get back to his feet. “Yes, let’s go visit Angie’s now,” I tell him, ready to leave the grave of the future I never had.
To be honest, I am ready to leave this place for good. However, I can’t. I can’t be that selfish to sit in front of Lyle’s grave with my second chance mate and have Andrei be so patient with the time I need, and refuse him the same thing in return.
Besides, from what I have heard, Angie was an amazing woman. A true Luna, powerful, beautiful, and kind. The type of Luna every pack deserves, loves, and wants to have around their families. The type of Luna I wish I could be.
I wish things were different for Andrei, for me, for everyone. As much as I appreciate the Goddess for giving us both a second chance with each other, I wish it wouldn’t go that far.
It’s clear Andrei loved, and still loves, his first mate. He always will. I am just a substitute and can never mean half as much to him as Angie did, and I will never try to. I could never take her place, ever. Maybe, if we met under different circumstances, our fates would have turned out differently. Andrei wouldn’t grieve over his loss and kill me for who I am.
As much as I have grown used to him, and actually become closer, I wish Angie was here. Maybe those are my delusions, but I believe we could get along, at least based on everything I have heard about the woman.
But alas, drowning myself in thoughts about different assumptions won’t get us anywhere, so I look for the man with the box, but I can’t spot him.
Andrei takes my hand and allows me to pull him up. He quickly tucks me under his arm and leads me to yet another grave.
This one is all white marble, it’s adorned with flowers, pictures, teddies, and even a necklace hangs on top of the grave. It looks like a gravestone of someone who is greatly missed and loved, the complete opposite of that of my mate.
His mate was only eighteen when she passed away. Angie was very pretty, even more beautiful than I initially thought. In the photo on her gravestone, she looks lively and happy, with a smile that could light up an entire room. Her grave also has beloved daughter, sister, and mate written on it.
I glance up at Andrei, his eyes darken, but I can’t tell if it’s his wolf who forces his presence or the intense grief and regret that still haunts him.
I sit next to her grave and open the box, as I rummage through the contents, I don’t speak or ask questions. Andrei clearly needs some time for himself, as he’s still frozen in place, staring at the grave.
I pull a small pot of lavender out and place it beside me. I look up at Andrei again, just to find that he is no longer looking at the grave, but watching me with a strange look on his face.