At this point, I am not sure if I can handle my own emotions anymore, even though his are far stronger. At least, they shadow what I feel.
I won’t be able to give him the family Andrei deserves and dreams about. It’s not only because we haven’t even kissed, let alone got to that stage. Those things happen in time, sooner or later, all mates complete the mating process, I just need time.
But the mating isn’t the issue here. I can only imagine how gut-wrenching it must have been for him to find out he is stuck with a mate that can’t give him a family. I’m a complete dud.
When Andrei told me he didn’t care, I had hoped that maybe this could work out. But now, seeing him hold them and speak baby talk to them, I wonder if he will still think that after a few years when it really hits home. I can never give him kids.
“It won’t be long, and you will hopefully have some little ones too, Andrei. Now you have a mate, and you can start planning a family.” Derrick suggests with a smile.
My heart nearly stops at his words as I swallow and turn my gaze on Andrei to watch his reaction to his father’s words.
I know that Derrick doesn’t know anything about me, my past, my struggles and my infertility, but it still stings to see the hope in his father’s eyes.
Andrei doesn’t answer for a few long seconds until his eyes flick to me, and he grips my knee.
Kat watches me out of the corner of her eye. It is like she is looking straight through me, a faraway look in her eyes. I don’t know what it is, but the woman makes me feel like she can read everything that is going on in my mind right now, even though I can’t follow the wild thoughts.
“You boys should start the barbecue sometime today. I am starving, and I am sure Sage is hungry,” Kat speaks up suddenly, still gazing at me.
Ezra and Mateo start doing paper scissors rock for some reason. Ezra groans and gets up, I suppose he lost the game.
“Come, Andrei, we are on cooking duty,” Ezra sighs, and Andrei hands me back Eziah.
“Go on, you two can go too, up and out of here.” Kat says, dismissing Mateo and her father.
“But I won,” Mateo whines.
I can’t help but smile at his antics. Mateo is a grown man, a pretty powerful one I assume and a father, but he acts like a sulking child.
“I never said you have to cook.” Kat rolls her eyes. “Just go outside. Now.” She orders, pointing to the door.
Derrick laughs as he hands Kat Marabella back. As the older man passes Mateo, he pats him on his chest, still laughing. “You heard her; it’s probably best we leave anyway, unless you want to be sucked into girl talk.”
“Ah fine, I could use a beer or ten anyway,” Mateo concedes with a sigh, following Derrick out.
“Sorry about my father,” Kat apologizes, and I nod.
I would much rather focus on the baby in my arms, but there are some things I still need to figure out. Kat has gifts, I won’t try to understand them or how they work. In reality, all I have to do is to accept that she has them.
“How is my brother doing?” She asks out of the blue as she sits on the couch beside me.
Do I voice how grateful I am for her decision to change the topic? Although I know her father didn’t intend to pry or be mean, his words left a sour aftertaste in my mouth.
“What do you mean?” I ask her.
“I mean, with the killing of rogues, has he stopped torturing them?” She asks, raising an eyebrow at me. There is a look that crosses her face, but quickly fades from her features. I suppose she assumes I might be unaware of what Andrei has been up to, but then changes her mind again.
“You know?” I ask her and my eyes widen a little. Quite frankly, I know I am not supposed to know what he is doing in that basement, so I just assume neither is Kat.
She just nods and gently brushes her daughter’s cheek. I smile as I watch her bond with the baby. I am positive Kat is a few years younger than me, but she seems older. Kat has this aura of someone extremely wise, which makes me wonder if her past has been as traumatic as mine.
Nothing makes you grow up faster than trauma, it gives you a new perception, one that isn’t viewed from a child’s point of view, especially when a child is forced into things not even adults would do. It’s like taking the lens of innocence off and replacing it with the darkest parts of humanity, showing you what the world is really made of. What to expect and pray you never have to live through.
I shrug, this conversation isn’t going where I would want it to go, either. The last thing I want is to get Andrei in trouble with Kat. But at the same time, I don’t want to lie to her either. Besides, if I do, I get this eerie feeling she will be able to tell. “He doesn’t have any down there at the moment,” I confess, and she lets out a breath.
Andrei
It is a nice day today as I help Ezra start the barbecue. I chop onions while he cooks when Mateo and my father walk out with beers in their hands. My father offers me one, but I shake my head.
“Can’t drink, I have to drive,” I tell him, and he shrugs before sitting at the outside table next to me.
My father opens his bottle and takes a sip. “Sage is quiet,” he observes, and I glance at him.
“Yeah, she isn’t used to people,” I agree.
“Is she adjusting? Kat said she was scared of you, she seems fine around you now though?” My father asks, and I bite my tongue to stop snapping at him. Of course, I would happily talk about anything with him but her and our relationship, though when Ezra asks, I know I have no choice. They seem to have a keen interest for some reason that unnerves me.
“Yes, she let me sleep in the bed with her the last few nights; she marked me by accident which has helped massively because she can feel everything I do,” I confess with a shrug.
Mateo looks at Ezra funny, making me suspicious.
Observing them and their strange silence, I tilt my head to the side, wondering what it is they aren’t saying. “What?”
“Nothing, we just want this to work out. She seems nice. Timid, but nice,” Mateo adds, and I change the subject, not liking their interest in my love life.