“Sage, am I hurting you when I touch you?” his fingers hover over my skin.
“No,” I answer simply. “There’s not much feeling left in any of it, not the front anyway,” I mutter the last words softly.
For some reason, I look at him again. I can’t explain it, but no matter how much I want to look away, my instincts scream to look at the man who is kneeling before me. I think of the answer I gave him and how easily it left my lips. This is the first time I have discussed those scars with anyone.
“What about…?” He doesn’t finish, but I can tell he is asking if I feel anything between my legs.
“Yes, unfortunately, I still feel…” I whisper, and he looks up at me.
“That’s a good thing, Sage,” Andrei interrupts, and I shake my head. “They have shown you only pain. I can show you something else,” he whispers and slowly stands up, leaning a little closer. I furrow my eyebrows as Andrei wraps an arm around my waist and promises, “I can show you pleasure.”
I stay silent as he pulls me into the shower under the stream of water, with him.
Somehow I still doubt his sweet words and honeyed promises. Sex has never once been something pleasurable for me, only for those that took it from me. It’s only ever brought me pain, and how could Andrei still want to touch me after seeing everything that’s been done?
“You’re not disgusted?” The question leaves my lips before I can stop it. It’s like a new instinct has been born, desperate to hear that he doesn’t hate me for this.
“Why would I be? Everyone has scars.” Andrei shrugs and says matter-of-factly.
“Do you know that I can’t have kids?” I press and his eyes darken, but he nods.
Honestly, a part of me suspected he knew that already with the way he ran his nose across my stomach like he was allowing his wolf to check. I know why male wolves sniff females. And I know why Andrei did the same thing to me. He wanted to make sure I was still fertile.
“I don’t care, you are still mine,” he says and pulls me against him.
I rest my head on his chest and close my eyes. He gently runs the soap across my skin. I was his? I didn’t know how to handle being wanted, he should be disgusted with me.
“Sage, tomorrow you start training,” he announces. My eyes snap open and I stare up at him. He’s staring at me with an intensity that makes my insides tremble. There’s a rage inside him, but it’s not at me.
“Andrei?” I whisper his name trying to understand.
“I’m not losing you, not like what happened before. You’re never going to be defenseless again, Sage. Not against anybody, not even me. You’re going to train just like my warriors do.”
I couldn’t be more shocked. I need to press him further, to make sure this isn’t a trick. “Can I go outside?” I blurt.
Andrei nods, brushing my hair from my face. “Yes. I’m never leaving the women in my pack defenseless again. I’ll never make that same mistake.”
Andrei
This is the most relaxed I have seen Sage since I found her.
However, I’m not foolish enough to believe that her guard is completely gone. I will not push my luck. I help her out of the shower and gently dry her off, picking her up and settling her in the bed. I will go downstairs and sleep on the couch.
Sleep doesn’t wash over me as easily as it does when I’m next to her. Instead of the calm that I’ve come to accept, paranoia creeps in. We could be attacked at any moment, and she’s not trained. It leaves me on edge.
I won’t lose Sage. I will not lose any more of my pack, we have lost enough. Far too much.
I barely close my eyes, adamant about forcing myself to fall asleep, but the plan fails when Zane mindlinks me. The uneasy feeling, which usually comes when I know someone, or something is treading too close to my borders, washes over me.
“Have you checked the wild game cameras?” Zane asks as soon as the link between us opens for communication.
There was a reason his loyalty to me remained so strong. His paranoia for our pack is almost as strong as my own. His entire family was slaughtered in the last attack, including his four-year-old baby brother.
“No, but I will, though,” I tell him as I roll off the couch.
I try to be extra careful of the few squeaky steps as I walk upstairs. Once I stop in the bedroom door, I peek inside to make sure Sage is still asleep, and I don’t disturb her peace. She is, but she has shifted back to her wolf form.
Just when I thought she started to trust me.
“She does trust us. She is used to sleeping in that form,” Donnie corrects me.
I nod and don’t question him, or ask for an explanation. I don’t have a reason to doubt his words, since he and Sierra have grown rather close. Their connection is far stronger than that of Sage and me.
I shut the door to the bedroom and head to the surveillance room. Pushing the door open, I immediately notice Zane is near the mountain border, but that isn’t the only thing that catches my attention.
The star of tonight’s fucked up show is the camera near the river, not far from my Beta. Glowing eyes are looking across the river, set in the direction of our pack. Multiple glowing eyes.
“Seven. East of you,” I mindlink Zane.
“I knew it. I fucking knew I heard something,” he replies, already moving in that direction. My eyes zero in on the screen, which allows me to follow everything that is happening out there. I don’t speak, just watch, until Zane questions me. “They step over?”
“No, I would have felt that. It seems that they are trailing the edge. At the very least, this explains why I felt off earlier.” I add the last statement more to myself than him.
“I have back-up on the way,” Zane announces, and I nod. I want to facepalm myself once I realize he can’t see me, and has no idea about how I’m processing his words.
“Want me to head out, or can you four handle it?” I offer, fully aware that I can get there faster even if the back-up is half-way there.
“Go back to bed, Alpha. I will bring one to the cells for you,” Zane dismisses my offer of help.
A heavy, defeated sigh leaves me. At this point, I know that I won’t be able to sleep.