Footsteps approach the bathroom making me tense. My body becomes rigid and my heart races when I hear the knocks on the door.
“Let me shift,” I plead to Sierra, she shakes her head. Has she already forgotten what they did to us? How can she leave me vulnerable in this form?
“There is a door separating you, and if he wants to get in, he wouldn’t have knocked.” My wolf informs me. I think for a second, she does have a point. He knocks again. “Answer him,” My wolf urges.
“Sage, is everything okay?” Andrei asks. Everything slows down, except the fast fluttering of my heart as panic takes over. My arms and legs feel like dead weight. “Sage?” Andrei calls my name again.
I grip the door handle to make sure it is locked, the knob rattles in my shaky hands, but it is still locked. That gives me some peace of mind.
“I can’t turn it on,” I whimper, though my voice sounds small, I am not entirely sure if he can hear me.
“Next to the light switch is a black panel, tap on it,” he instructs.
I look for the black panel and find it. I tap on it, despite my fingers shaking uncontrollably.
“Did you find it?” He asks. I nod, before realizing he can’t see me.
“Yes,” I whisper.
“There is a circle with a line through it, press it, and a shower head will pop up on the screen. Then hold down on it, the water should be at the correct temperature,” he explains.
I do what he says and look up. Andrei didn’t lie, just a second after I do what he says, the spray shoots out of the shower head. I’m amazed at the pressure of the water, and darn, this is some alien technology, what’s wrong with a physical tap?
“I will be downstairs. I put an extra toothbrush in the shower niche already. Come down when you are done. I will make you some tea. Please.” he says softly, and I listen to him walk off.
Although Andrei said the temperature should be correct, I still place my hand under the water before stepping under the spray. Okay, maybe he didn’t lie again. The temperature is good.
I sigh, feeling the hot water wash over my skin. It’s so much better than the streams and creeks. I didn’t think I would ever have the luxury of taking an actual shower.
Grabbing the soap, I lather my skin. The water turns brown as it runs down the drain. That doesn’t surprise me, after all, I have spent so much time laying on the dirty ground, the dirt sticks to me like a magnet.
Worst of all, my hair is a matted mess, and it takes three washes before it is somewhat clean looking. I brush my teeth and just stand under the water, enjoying the warmth and the sensation of being clean.
My neck is still aching, and I don’t think it will ever stop. All because of that damned chain. I have had that thing wrapped around my neck for the last eleven years, so tight against my flesh, that the skin is indented from its weight.
Getting out, I rub a hand over the large mirror. My hair is still knotted, and I can’t find a brush anywhere, so I try to untangle it with my fingers, but give up quickly. I look different, I can’t remember the last time I looked in a mirror, probably before they took us. I look like my mother, or I think I do, my memory of her is a little grainy these days.
My eyes focus on the scar that runs over the length of my face, marring any looks I might have had. I’m disgusted but absolutely mesmerized by the sight of it.
Cold shivers run through my body as a distant memory comes to life. The heat of the blade as he held it over the fire before dragging it slowly down my face. He did it because he wanted to force my mother to shift back.
Looking away, I try to shove the memory away and turn toward the edge of the sink basin. I pick up the clothes he left and sniff them. His scent is all over them. I dry myself, fingers trailing over my ruined body. There aren’t many parts of me left that aren’t scarred or disfigured in some way, even when I am clean. The dirt, as disgusting as it felt, could at least hide my imperfections.
“Don’t look,” Sierra scolds me.
“How can I not? Look at them,” I snap back, on the verge of tears.
“Everyone has a past. Ours just shows on our skin.”
“It’s not the past. We are still in the same mess, but this time, it’s the monster that has changed,” I argue back, but she just shakes her head.
“We don’t know that. You don’t know that.” she argues, as I pull the shirt over my head.
I grab the pants and socks, putting them on, only for the pants to fall to my feet the moment I stand up straight. I even try to roll them, but they are too massive on my frame.
“We can’t walk around like this, Sierra. Let me shift back, please,” I beg. Tears brim in my eyes, as I think about how Andrei expects me to walk around his house without pants or wearing his that will fall down with every step I make. Did he do this on purpose? To humiliate me even more?
“No, Sage. I am tired. I need to rest, please. If he tries anything, I will shift, but until then, just wait and see what happens. His wolf is nice. I don’t think he is like the other men.”
This entire situation is so hopeless, I really want to cry. She isn’t going to help until he tries to kill me. Anger at her simmers within me as I reach for the door handle and open the door.
“Something smells nice, better than the rodents we usually eat,” she purrs like a stupid cat. Great, what’s next? She decides to become his pet and lies on his lap while he watches TV? Or will she allow him to force a collar on us to go on long, romantic walks?
How can she trust him so blindly? She is acting like a lovesick pup. Did she forget he is a man? She knows how men have treated us, what they did to mom and us. What they did to our mate.