*Kat’s Pov
I waited the whole night for him to come back.
I knew that he wouldn’t come back. But when has my heart ever listened to what my brain has to say?
Even when my brain told me to snap out of it, my whole body listened to what my heart said as a mantra.
He will come back. He loves me. He will come back. He loves me.
And somehow, I slept at some hour, as my eyes became heavy from all the crying.
When I woke up, the first thing I did was to check Ryder’s bedroom. Yup his bedroom and never our anymore. But of course, had no signs that anyone had slept in it. I leaned on the door as I was reminiscing the time we had together.
The laughter. The love and desire in his eyes when seeing me dance around just in towel. How I had took care of him when he was sick.
It feels like it was yesterday when Raven burst into my office cabin in Ryder’s company telling me, more like ordering me to go to his home to take care of him. How fast the time has flown by. It was just one or two months when we got back together before we broke up again.
Though the last time we broke up there was nothing said officially as a sign to say we broke up, that gave me hope that we would be back together but this time. Nothing gives me hope that we will be back together. No matter how hard my brain is trying to knock sense into my heart it is not listening to the fact that we are never going to be back together.
And it might be because of my heart being in control of my body that I went searching through the whole house in search of him. My heart sunk even lower deeper into my body to not to be found again, after going through the entire house in search of him but to find no signs of him.
I tiredly sat on the stools as I watched Aunt J makes me breakfast. She only made breakfast for one person indicating she knew what was going on. I went to push it away but Aunt J had placed her hand on my shoulder giving me a pity look.
“Ryder wouldn’t like it if you were pushing your food away.” She said. So, she doesn’t know what happened?
“I think Ryder would be happier to know I died of starvation at this point. If you knew what happened you would not be offering me food.” I said giving back a sad smile with tears in my eyes.
She shook her head. “When Ryder called me to say to look after the guest in his house, I knew it from his voice and his words that something terrible has happened. Whatever it is, you both will get past this and be together again. You both went through enough that you will be able to get past this too. Plus, I am not that cruel to not offer food to a starving person, no matter what he or she did. Except for the worst. Though I think I would still offer him food. Don’t know.” She chuckled softly and gave me a smile with hope in her eyes. But instead of increasing the hope in me it was diminished.
“I don’t think when we get past this we are going to be together Aunt J. The reason behind our break up was not a mere misunderstanding to get back together but a clear reason of why we could never be together.” I had my head down as tears fell.
Aunt J came behind me and hugged me tight causing me to cry more. I placed my hands on her arms as I cried. “A story wont be complete without the hero and heroine being together. My intuition tells me everything is going to be alright.”
I wiped the tears off and sniffed while I turned around in her arms and hugged her properly. She rubbed my head. Her hug reminded me of my mother. It was so warm that I wanted to stay in there forever to forget this gut-wrenching pain.
“This is not a fairy-tale where the prince and princess gets back together after fighting their battles Aunt J. This is real life where both me and Ryder have lost too much that we can never forgive what happened.” I mumbled with my head still on her shoulders.
She brushed her hands through my head as she said. “Even in real life people finds their happy ending in time, dear. You will know when the time comes. Be patient till then. You are both going to be okay.”
My heart said the same thing. But in reality, there is nothing as happy ending as life keeps on giving us more battle to face. One gets their happy ending when they get accustomed to their life.
We are never going to be okay.
When I get that fact imprinted in my heart, that is the only time I will be able to get my revenge to be completed.
The BlackJack co. that took both our parents from us has got to be gone.
—
After eating I packed my things in the house and kept it in my car as I gave a final look to the house that I had began to call home. But the place without Ryder is no home for me. Only the place that I can be myself is the place that can be home.
My home was where Ryder, I, our both parents were there. And now its gone. Now the place we both stand is just that, a place.
Love was what makes a place home. And I have lost that. Even without me being completely responsible for it I have lost him.
I drove towards his company to get my work done as soon as possible to get out of there and be out of his sight forever. Now it is my turn to go into hiding.
But I haven’t even done anything wrong, I thought as I cried hitting on the steering wheel in the parking lot of his company.
I cried till my heart felt numb. After making sure I am done crying for the time being, I put some makeup on to make myself look half alive and not like a dead person who had dehydrated herself to death by crying a lot.
I walked through the company ignoring the sympathetic stares from people around especially from Martha. And when I reached his floor, it took everything in me not to cry and look like nothing devastating had happened.
I passed through expecting Raven to ask me questions, but I thanked her a lot in my mind for not staring at me, after lifting her head up to see who came to the floor. Soon after she saw it was me, she went back to completing her work.
I went to my cabin and flopped down on the chair. I looked towards Ryder’s office to see he had kept the shield on. Yet I knew he could see me as it was one-way through shield. From the amount of times, I had been in his office made me remember that fact.
I didn’t let myself delve too much into my thoughts before I broke down again. I opened my files and kept the drawings on the table to get to work.