Author’s Note: In this chapter is the summary of what Ryder felt from the time they first met after 3 years that is from chapter 4 after flashback. I hope it wont confuse you that is the reason why i wrote my note. Now you can continue.
*Ryder POV
The first time we met after 3 years, I heard a sweet voice shouting my name after a very long time, the heart I thought didn’t exist started to beat wildly, at first, I couldn’t believe it was she, the love of my life standing behind me. I could recognise that voice even if I am in a crowded place, I was that madly in love with her, but I can’t invite her into my messy life. The perfect life she was having will be gone the second she enters my life, and that was why I gave many cold looks and looked at her as if she was a stranger when she was nothing but that, and said those three hateful words ‘Who are you?” I didn’t know what went through my mind at that time, but the moment those words were said, I regretted it. I haven’t regretted anything as much as I regretted saying those words. I felt as if I drank some acid. My throat was burning, Christ, everything in me was burning with guilt and regret. I felt that the heart I thought was not there before I saw her was now dead. And I don’t think I could ever forgive myself for the pain I saw in those beautiful hazel eyes.
When she said her parents were dead, I felt my world shattered I wanted to cry. My second parents are also dead. After the death of my parents, I have turned into what they call ‘icy, cold-hearted, beast”. I knew my parents would not be proud of what I did back then to get to where I am today. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if they said ‘he is not my son’. When I saw those eyes of hers, that I wouldn’t mind looking at 24/7, tearing up, I didn’t want nothing more than to run to her and hug her and console her. It took everything in me to not run to her and hold her in my arms.
During the funeral I was there witnessing everything, I was mostly looking at her the way she looked at the entrance of the church as if she was waiting for someone and the disappointment in her eyes realising that someone hasn’t come yet. And when I realised that someone was behind me, I had to grip the bench I was sitting on harder, that I knew that some wood splinter must have got into my palms. And I wasn’t wrong, I had to put so many band-aids on it and because of that I couldn’t even hold a pen without hissing.
I was like a proud parent when I heard her speech and how she handled everything very efficiently. I shouldn’t have even had a doubt because she definitely was strong. The day I heard of my parents’ death I became a maniac drowning my pain in alcohol. I couldn’t even give a proper funeral for them it was Kat’s parents who did everything and I couldn’t be more thankful to them. I know that they tried to contact me, but I was so depressed that I didn’t want to be near them. I guess being lonely took a great toll on me, and I think that’s another reason why I became the way I am.
Even when it was 8pm she didn’t leave the graveyard and in the past, she wouldn’t even cross the path that lead to church after 6pm and now she was crying, sobbing in front of her parents’ grave. And knowing the reason why she cried more was because of me was like as if someone stabbed me again and again in the same wound, making it bigger.
I couldn’t do anything all I could was watch her by standing behind a tree. I wanted to console her or at least hold her in my arms. I couldn’t control my urge anymore that I started walking towards her. All of a sudden, as if she realised I was there, she turned her neck so fast that I thought she broke her neck. She stood up and searched for me. The pain I felt at that moment was worse than what I felt when I knew my parents were dead. I wanted to go near her, but that meant she being in danger and I wouldn’t even in my unconscious do anything that causes any harm to her. So, I left from there.
I have heard nothing from her after the funeral. I even hired a private investigator to let me know what she was doing and after 2 days as I realised what I was doing was nothing but going to be a big problem for me, I said to P. I not to stalk her anymore. I didn’t want any of my enemies to know about her and use her against me. Also, knowing about her every single minute means it will be very hard for me to not go to her, and hence I stopped my stalking.
After almost 1 and half week later Nicholas and Amanda came to my office requesting to see me. I didn’t want to allow them in, but when I saw my receptionist acting very rudely to them; I lost my mind no and I mean NO ONE TALKS TO ANYONE RELATED TO KAT IN ANY RUDE WAY. And so, I went to talk to them. They mentioned about some computer that was there in the police station as an evidence from the accident of Kat’s parents and that they wanted the laptop. It confused me when they talked about getting the laptop as they needed it for them. But I cleared that confusion immediately because I know Uncle Nick wouldn’t do anything to harm Kat. And I was even more confused when I came to know Kat wasn’t aware of Amanda and Nicholas meeting me.
But that confusion was soon out of my mind when I got the call from Kat after 2 days after meeting with them. I was in my office doing my work as usual and suddenly; I got a call from an unknown number, and I picked up the phone thinking it was some ally of mine, but the moment I heard her sweet voice, that I love so much, I hung up on her. I felt as if my dead heart was going to jump out of my chest.
I never hung up on her, though she had done that many times because of our stupid fights I never did. I was very possessive of her because I always feared that other men would take her and I know she had the same fear when it came to me; we were that madly in love with each other, you can call it toxic, but that is our definition of being in love as cliché as it sounds. Because of that fear I never hung up on her, thinking she would seek comfort from one of her male admirers, and because of the same reason she called me back whenever she hung up on me. And another reason was, I always loved hearing her voice, and it nagged me when I cut her off, and hence, I never did. Again, I was head over heals in love with her
I don’t know what made me hung up, but I did and I am glad I did because if I hear anymore from her, I don’t know what I will do next; I am sure the next minute I will be near her that was how much I was missing her. I switched off my phone, knowing that she would call me back, and I didn’t want to repeat the same mistake of answering the phone. And like I said, it nagged me the rest of the days until that unfortunate day of meeting her again in her workplace.
I was leaning my head on the chair with my eyes closed as all these thoughts went through my mind when I got the call from my secretary. “Mr. Scott, there is a Ms. Katherine Marshal from Simiona Architects at the reception.”
“Let her in.” I said more like ordered her. And it satisfied me hearing a stuttered ok sir from her. I always liked keeping my employees on their tip toes I believe that’s what gives you more satisfied result. I do agree I have changed a lot. The old Ryder hated when people called him Mr. Scott because it made him feel old, but this new Ryder only prefers being called Mr. Scott because it is a sign of respect for him and I have worked my ass off that I deserve that respect. Also, the old Ryder didn’t like being intimidated, he wanted people to feel he is no popular rich kid that I was in my high school, and treat like their friend. Well, this Ryder loooove seeing people being intimidated by me, it makes my job easier. Being intimidated means people fearing me, meaning they would not indulge me in their bullshit praises and talks but rather get straight to the point.
And most importantly the old Ryder couldn’t see any woman in front of him no matter how beautiful they are because all he sees is his love, his Kat, leave touching them he didn’t even give a look to them. This new Ryder is no different, but the difference is that this Ryder if not in the presence of his Kat even sleeps with those women, let alone look. So Yea I changed. I get what I want no matter through which method, cheating/sleeping with women.
Do I regret it? Hell yes, cause that’s the only thing not letting me be with my Kat. Do I really regret about it? No, because that got me where I am today. If there was some other way, I would have done it, but being all goody wouldn’t have let me grow my business. Business is all about tricks and survival.
As I looked through the cctv cameras, I saw a woman with an exquisite beauty. Only one woman will ever make me say she is beautiful. My soulmate, My Kat. My feelings for her are still the same. Will that change me back? Will she after knowing the true me and knowing all the dangers of getting back with me scare her off or stay with me? I have no idea, but all I know is the moment she enters my cabin the journey of us is going to be a hell of a ride.