Adrian felt like a piece of shit. Ava deserved better than him. Even though he had decided to hide the truth from her, he couldn’t hide it from himself. He had fucked up royally.
The memories of that night didn’t return to him although he got flashbacks of fragments of it.
The feel of Ivy’s hair in his hands as he pulled on it, her soft gasps beneath him, thrusting inside her.
Ivy had done as he commanded and kept her mouth shut even though he could feel her watching him anytime they were in the same room together.
The only problem left was that he couldn’t bring himself to touch Ava. He felt unworthy of her body, her love, her care and her affection. When he asked her to stay away from pack politics, he’d seen the hurt in her eyes even if he acted otherwise.
The reason he has done that was because every time he saw her, he was reminded of what he had done. The lie was getting too much for him to bear and he wanted to just tell her everything but he was scared to lose her. He could remember how angry he had gotten when he’d thought she had cheated on him.
How unfair he had been to her. Now he has gone and done the same thing with Ivy of all people. She would never forgive him. And if she left him, he wasn’t sure he could survive without Ava.
So he kept quiet and silently hoped that one day he would be able to take his mate in his arms without being consumed by guilt.
There was a knock on his door and Calvin poked his head in, a smile on his face. He seemed to be smiling all the time now since he and Cynthia had become an official couple.
Their mating ceremony was coming up soon and while Adrian was happy for his friend he couldn’t help but feel jealous of the peace of mind he seemed to have.
“Adrian, can I leave real quick? Cynthia called. She needs some help with Cole.”
Right. Cynthia’s baby was the calmest child he had ever seen. He was quiet, observant and not fussy at all. He seemed almost wise for his age and even his infrequent cries had an air of dignity about them.
It was more likely that Calvin wanted to take advantage of the lapse in work that they had to be with his woman. The same way Adrian would have if he wasn’t so guilt-ridden.
“Sure. Extend my greetings to her and the baby.”
“Thanks, Alpha.”
Calvin beamed and shut the door behind him.
Adrian sighed and turned the page of the report he was rereading for the third time. Nothing of import was happening– the door creaked open.
“Forget something, Calvin?” Adrian asked not looking up from the report.
“It’s me.”
Ivy said as she closed the door behind her.
Adrian dropped the report he was holding and his voice became icy.
“What the hell are you doing here?”
“I’m pregnant.”
Adrian’s world stopped for a few heartbeats after what Ivy told him.
Surely this was a joke, a mistake even that the one night he sought to forget to erase completely would bear fruits like this.
No, the Goddess would not be so cruel. He thought of the conversation he’d had with Ava shortly after she returned from the Silverwolf pack after the incident.
“I want us to begin trying for a child.”
He had been so startled that he stopped pulling on his clothes to look at her.
“What? I thought you wanted to wait.”
Ava laughed and stood up from their bed, her nightgown offering tantalizing glimpses of her body.
“Calm down, Adrian. I don’t mean we should start right now.” She slipped her hands around his shoulders and tipped her head back to meet his gaze, her blue eyes sparkling.
“I thought about it. Everything is stable enough for a child right now and I want nothing more than to carry your child. To have something that will signify our undying love, loyalty and respect for each other.”
Loyalty. Respect.
If only she knew what he had done, she wouldn’t be looking at him with those hopeful eyes.
A month later, he had still been unable to touch her. It felt like the moment he did, something fundamental in him would be damaged.
Like he would have crossed some imaginary line or boundary in his head so he kept away from Ava despite how much he longed for a child.
Their child.
Now the news was coming from the last person he wanted a child with.
“Are you certain?”
Ivy scoffed and walked to his table flinging a paper on it.
It was the result of her pregnancy test. He went through it.
She was pregnant.
“Do you believe me now or you would like to take me to the pack hospital to get me checked out yourself? Or would you like a paternity test as well?”
“There will be no need for that.”
Adrian could feel a headache coming on and he massaged his temples. What was he supposed to do with this news?
“So what are we going to do now, Adrian? You said to keep quiet and I did. You said you pretend as if nothing happened and I did. But this is a child, Adrian. I can’t hide this. My belly will grow, and my scent will change. What do I tell my father?”
“There is no we, Ivy, and there never will be. I will think of a solution to this problem and get back to you.”
Ivy looked at him incredulously.
“Problem? Is my baby and your heir a problem? Yes, it was unexpected and unplanned for but this is still a gift, not a problem to be solved.”
Ivy reached across the table and took his hand.
“Adrian, I know you are shocked but think about it. We can do this–”
Adrian removed his hand from hers and stood up vibrating with anger.
“Have you completely lost your mind? I have a mate. My true mate. A woman I love and can’t live without. What exactly can ‘we’ do together? A gift you say? What am I supposed to tell Ava?”
Ivy stood up as well and jabbed her index finger into his chest.
“Maybe you should have thought of how much you love your precious mate before you fucked me.”
“Ivy!”
He raised his hand to hit her but stopped himself in time.
Ivy looked at his raised hand.
“You want to hit me because I am speaking the truth? Well, go right ahead. I dare you.”
“Get out of my office, Ivy. I will get back to you.”
If she stayed, he would hit her or worse. He refused to be that person.
Plus whether he liked it or not she was now the mother of his unborn child, and he had to accord her the respect she deserved. Just because it wasn’t the child he wanted with Ava didn’t mean it wasn’t still his child.
Ivy glared daggers at him.
“Fuck you, Adrian.”
Then she snatched up the pregnancy report and stalked out of the office, the door closing behind her.
Adrian collapsed on his chair, his head in his hands.
What had he done? What was going to happen to him and Ava? Could she forgive him for this and for keeping it from her?
There was only one way to find out.