“Could you maybe make that sound more analytical? I don’t think my therapist heard you.” She retorted. Safe to say? What was safe with this conversation? “I bet he or she would say you’re deflecting with humor.” She narrowed her eyes. Was he playing with her?
“Look, I’m in no mood to talk about that right now,” he said.
“I-” She stared at him. What was happening here? What had happened to the affable, playful, fun-to-be-around David? What had happened to the guy who made love to her so passionately last night? Was he picking a fight to deflect from what he was feeling? “Why does it seem as if we’re having two separate conversations?” she asked.
“Probably because we are. Okay…” He was speaking in very calm, determined syllables. “We need to look at this situation realistically. We are two very different people who come from two very different worlds. That can add a spark or ten to an intense situation.”
She tilted her head to one side. “You’re saying that whatever we’re feeling has been the result of close proximity and amplified emotions. That everything registers stronger and more overwhelming because we can’t get away from one another.”
“See? Not a very different conversation after all.” He said. He got to his feet and set his plate in the sink, keeping hold of his toast.
“But, wait…..” An odd tremor shook her heart. “So there’s nothing to our attraction other than circumstance?”
That didn’t make sense. Last night, when she’d slept beside him, everything had seemed so perfect, so right. He’d asked her to stay with him. He’d made love to her… two times now. There was no misinterpreting that he had feelings for her- she was certain of it. Head injury or not, no man kissed a woman like David had kissed her without a true emotional connection. Or at the least, without wanting to.
“That’s what I’m saying. Besides…”
His voice fell flat. It was so unlike David, she wondered if he’d woken up as someone else entirely. “We are going to be apart soon. We are very different people and we just don’t fit together. I don’t have the time for any kind of relationship.”
“What?” She jerked her head up when he faced her. “What are you-? Oh, suddenly now we are so different that we can’t be together. We weren’t very different people when you kissed me and made love to me….”
“Don’t act like I had my way with you.” He inclined his chin toward her. “You wanted sex just as much as I did. You are being too emotional right now and that’s just not necessary.”
“Well, I’m not denying that I wanted to have sex,” she snapped and resisted the temptation to throw something at him. Doing that would only prove his ridiculous point that she was being unnecessarily emotional.
“Then what are you saying?” David asked in a frustratingly analytical voice. “Don’t get me wrong, this whole let’s-see-what-happens mentality is a lot of fun, but it isn’t real life. Real life is what’s going to be waiting for you when you go back home and when i go back to my job…. When there isn’t an ocean around us acting as romantic inspiration. What does reality have in store for you? A job? Travel? Family? A career? Will it include a conversation with your father? Will you go back to the fiance you left at the altar? What do you want for your life?” He lowered his voice. “Whatever it is, it definitely doesn’t include me…. You better understand that”
“I don’t…know… I don’t know what to say to you” She frowned.
He peered into her eyes to the point where she couldn’t bring herself to look back. “As wild as this adventure has been, and as much as I may care about you, important responsibilities are waiting for us. And the earlier we tell ourselves the truth and stop this fairytale, the better for us.”
He waited for a moment for her to respond. Then he turned and climbed out on deck.
—————
Bonnie sat In stunned silence while David finished prepping the boat to resume course, unable to do little more than stare at the bangle she wore on her wrist. She hated the way she felt. She glared down at the emerald, sneering at how it glinted against the light. She took a deep breath, her brow furrowing. She wasn’t sure exactly what she needed; she only knew what she didn’t want. He’s right. Bonnie thought as she folded her hands in her lap and accepted the truth. It wasn’t that she didn’t know what she wanted out of life. Grams had taught her to embrace every day as a new possibility; dreams to be chased after, a heart to be filled. It was what Bonnie wanted for herself that eluded her. Had always eluded her.
She was always chasing someone else’s approval: accolades from her father that did nothing more than push her to clamor after more; the approval of her Grams. How many times had she asked herself what her mother would think? And not once had any of those things brought her an ounce of the happiness she felt on this boat with David.
Was it happiness? Or was it just different enough to seem enticing?
Either way, what did any of this get her?
He was irritatingly, frustratingly right. She had absolutely no idea who Bonnie Rimmer was. That’s what she’d seen in the mirror at her wedding. That’s what she’d felt, the empty life she’d been about to jump into nipping at her heels as she’d raced out of the building.
Blue Blood wasn’t the answer she’d been looking for. It was only the means for an escape. An escape that was almost complete now that they were nearing High Tide Harbor and the end of her staying with David.
David. Bonnie tapped her hand against her heart as if his name was enough to get it to beat steadily again. Were her feelings for him a result of the fact that he was the utter and complete opposite of the man she’d run from marrying? Or was she just fooling herself? Was she settling because it was easy to be with David? Or was she genuinely falling for him?
All those questions whirling in her brain led her to only one conclusion. She would have to find out. But did she have what it would take to learn the truth?