Velia had just finished a late lunch. The sun had descended to welcome the afternoon, and the lingering pain made her almost sleep throughout the day.
The ache persisted. Velia’s steps were somewhat unsteady as she intended to return to her room. She walked slowly and found Lucas’s presence.
“Why are you home already when it’s not yet office hours?”
Velia furrowed her brow and looked at Lucas, puzzled. His appearance was disheveled. No black suit, part of his shirt was out of his pants, shirt sleeves haphazardly rolled up to the elbows, and a loosely tied tie around his collar.
“Luc!”
Velia’s readiness was caught in her throat. Lucas’s messy appearance was nothing compared to the bandage on his forehead.
Velia approached Lucas. Her hand rose and grabbed his face in panic. A clear look of concern radiated from her eyes.
“What happened, Luc? What happened to you?” Velia asked, searching and worrying if there were other injuries. “Why are you like this?”
The worried expression in Velia’s eyes received a blank stare in response. There was nothing visible in Lucas’s eyes. Only emptiness.
Like grayness in gloomy clouds. Silent and gloomy.
Lucas blinked once. A tear fell. It fell so easily, as if that was how it should be.
Velia was taken aback. She wiped away the tear and asked again, “Is there something happened to you?”
Velia waited, but Lucas did not answer. He just stared at Velia. Long and lingering, before he grimaced.
Lucas took a deep breath, his face filled with anguish. He reached for Velia’s hand that cupped his face and whispered softly.
“I love you, Ve. I truly love you.”
There was implied pain. Lucas’s declaration of love brought along agony and sorrow.
Velia fell silent. The air got stuck in her chest, and she was not sure what she felt because of Lucas’s expression.
“Do you know that I love you?”
Lucas’s eyes turned red. His breath was heavy with immeasurable regret.
“Do you know how sorry I am for doubting you? When you said that Mama would never accept you, and I didn’t believe it.”
Velia’s chest deflated instantly. There was a hollow space inside her that suddenly opened up and engulfed itself. She presented a suffocating tightness that tore from within.
“I truly regret it, but you have to know something. Even when you left me seven years ago…”
Memories spun in Lucas’s mind. The bitterness and heartache of the past still lingered until now. When he returned to Indonesia and did not find Velia, Lucas’s world seemed shapeless.
“… without any news, I still searched for you. You must know how happy I was when I met you again.”
Velia took long, deep breaths repeatedly. She struggled not to reopen old memories, but it was in vain.
The emptiness spread. Now she was the one invading Lucas’s gaze. Empty, as if there was no life.
Various flashes filled her mind. She displayed various rejections and heartbreaking humiliations.
“Me?”
If there was anything filling the emptiness in Velia’s eyes, it must be disappointment. Her gaze and the way she looked at Lucas changed.
“You say I left you?”
Velia asked with a trembling voice. Her body moved involuntarily, and she withdrew from Lucas.
“You, Luc. You left me! You disappeared the day after our family meeting that ended horrifically! You left me!”
Velia’s accusation hit Lucas like a blow. He was confused, disoriented. He shook his head repeatedly.
“I never left you, Ve. I was only gone for work. I never left you.”
Velia blinked, trying to prevent the heat from rising. She tried to hold back, not wanting to spill everything in the form of teardrops.
“You know, Luc? I never wanted to bring this up. I-I didn’t want to remember how painful it was when your mother came to the house. Your mother insulted my parents and called me a whore.”
Lucas wanted to reach for Velia, but all he received was rejection. He needed to explain everything that happened in the past.
“I didn’t leave you, but it was an urgent journey. The situation was chaotic, and I left without having a chance to inform you. I had no idea that Mama would come to you.”
Unyielding, Lucas closed the distance again. He cupped Velia’s cheeks and tried to redirect her gaze back to him.
“You didn’t contact me, Luc!”
Velia’s outburst and emotional outpouring startled Lucas. Something he had been holding back for so long finally showed itself. It overflowed after being suppressed for so long.
Velia winced. She repeatedly hit Lucas’s chest.
“You didn’t give me any news, and you know?! Your mother threw money in my face! Your mother drove me away as if I were a whore!”
“I beg you, Ve. Please.”
“Your mother told me to stay away from you!”
Lucas thought all the pain had reached its peak, but he was mistaken. Above all the sorrows, there was still a lingering and gaping wound. Festering. Bleeding.
Velia’s tears were like vinegar for the wound in Lucas’s heart. It stung, bringing immeasurable pain.
“You shouldn’t have left. You should have waited for me.”
“Wait for you with the possibility that you might drive me away too? Like your mother did?”
Back then, Velia did not make that choice. And even now.
“I don’t want to hurt for the second time, Luc. I do love you, but it doesn’t mean I can witness my parents being humiliated just to be with you!”
Lucas pulled Velia closer. His embrace held her tightly, and Velia’s sobs echoed in his chest.
“Forgive me, Ve. Please forgive me.”
Not only Velia, but Lucas also shed tears in drops. Warm and fiery, they burned every piece of their souls.
“I beg for your forgiveness. I should have listened to you. I should have trusted you. This should never have happened.”
“I hate you, Luc! My family was humiliated, and you were nowhere to be found!”
Velia’s crying escalated. She continued to hit Lucas’s chest as much as she could.
“You said you would always protect me, Luc! You said that, but you were nowhere to be found. You were absent.”
“Forgive me. I beg you.”
“You made me suffer alone.”
With closed eyes, Lucas selfishly wished not to see the truth. If he could, he would cover his ears as well.
Lucas would do anything to push away reality. The awareness that arose from Velia’s cries and sobs created an indescribable guilt. Velia suffered because of him. She cried and fell into a pit of pain because of him.
Self-accusations pointed at himself. Accusations cornered him into one question. Was this truly love?
Love should not bring agony. Love should not create tears.
Lucas sobbed. Holding Velia tightly, he had no face to face the world.
How could Velia’s source of misery be my own mother?
Velia sobbed. She kept crying and pouring out all the tears that had been held back for so long. Everything overflowed without anything left to conceal.
Both had reasons to mourn their fate. Their sobs intertwined. Piercing screams. They both blamed the past.
Ironically, their separation happened against their will. It was an intervention of misunderstanding or perhaps a meticulously planned scheme. If Sandra could orchestrate a tragic accident with such precision, what was stopping her from arranging something else?
I should have realized it from the beginning.
Everything had been arranged so meticulously. It was only natural that Lucas’s search had always met failure when the person he sent was under Sandra’s control.
Lucas felt even more suffocated. Guilt and regret were raging inside him. If only he had known from the beginning, Velia would not have suffered.
I should have protected you like I promised.
It was too late. One calamity after another had befallen them. Sorrows and pains followed their every step. For all that, Velia had only one request.
“I don’t have anyone left. I’m alone. So please, let me live in peace.”
Velia’s sobs no longer contained fiery emotions. She was tired and weary of everything that had happened. She simply asked.
“I want to be free from all of this. From your mother’s threats and everything. I can’t take it anymore, Luc.”
Velia had reached her breaking point. All her strength and defenses were no longer effective against the onslaught of reality.
“I beg you. Let me live in peace without any problems between us.”
Lucas froze. Velia’s plea hinted at something that made his blood run cold. He was afraid to accept the truth but still dared to ask.
“Y-you want to leave me?”
“There was never a future for us, Luc. You know that, don’t you?”
Painful, but Lucas’s common sense affirmed it. Velia already had many reasons to hate him without knowing Sandra’s actions. And especially…
Lucas froze. His body instantly stiffened when he heard Velia’s phone ringing.
The ringtone created a pause for them. Velia withdrew without noticing the change in Lucas’s expression. She turned pale in her effort to strengthen herself.
Velia took the phone out of her pocket. Seeing an unknown number, she quickly wiped away her tears. She composed herself and answered the call.
“Halo.”
“Hello. Good afternoon. Is this Velia Howell?”
Velia felt a sense of unease. “Yes, it’s me. I’m sorry, but who is this?”
“Miss Howell, I am calling from the police. I need to ask for your home address to send you a summons as a witness.”
“A… witness?”
The sense of unease grew stronger. Velia’s body tensed with an unfamiliar feeling. Fear and dread mixed into one.
“Regarding the accident that happened about a year ago, which resulted in the… ”
Velia collapsed instantly to the floor. Her phone slipped from her hand, and her vision became blurry.
Lucas quickly approached, unable to do anything. Tears streamed down Velia’s cheeks, rendering her speechless.
“Ve.”
Velia pushed Lucas away. She looked hurt and wounded.
“What is this, Luc? What is happening with all of this?!”
“V-Velia.”
Velia rubbed her face repeatedly. She shook her head, clutched her hair, and then screamed loudly.
“Mom! Dad!”
“Velia,” Lucas whispered, trying to reach out to her again. “I know my apologies will never be enough for you.”
Velia roared with both hands raised. Her fists swung, repeatedly hitting.
“Tell me!”
“I should have known, Ve. It’s all because of my mom.”
Lucas could not bear to explain everything. He was too weak to admit the crimes committed by Sandra. Frustration overwhelmed him, and he felt insane.
“W-what did you say, Luc? It’s all because of your mother?”
An unbelieving smile curved on Velia’s face. A tear fell, followed by another.
“Your mother made me lose my parents?”
Lucas closed his eyes. He could not take it anymore. He could not bear to see Velia’s helpless face. Full of tears. Full of dark sorrow.
“Look at me, Luc.”
Velia reached for Lucas’s upper arm. In a weak and powerless plea, she asked, “Answer my question.”
Lucas remained still. “Forgive me, Ve. Forgive me.”
“Don’t say sorry!”
Velia’s grip tightened. She shook him with a strength Lucas had never expected.
“I lost my parents, Luc! I lost my life! Y-you… you.”
Everything converged. Everything merged and exploded.
“I lost everything because of your mother!”
Lucas nodded in regret. “If there’s anyone who regrets the most, it’s me. If I hadn’t loved you so much, none of this would have happened.”
Velia grimaced. She continued to hit in her blinded anger.
“You’re the cause of all this, Luc!”
“Blame me, Ve. Blame me. It’s all my fault.”
Lucas would not defend himself. He even blamed himself for all the misfortunes that befell Velia.
If only Lucas had known all of this would happen, he would have avoided it. He would have tried to stay away from Velia, even if it meant tormenting himself.
Lucas could imagine it. His life would be colorless without Velia. Dark and bleak.
But no, Lucas could live in darkness. He could live in anguish and bloodshed. As long as it ensured Velia’s happiness.
“Blame me because I wanted you so desperately.”
Velia bit her lower lip. She shook her head and continued to hit.
“Blame me because I loved you so much.”
Velia was taken aback. Dull and rusty, it tore her heart apart.
“Blame me for not realizing from the beginning,” Lucas whispered painfully. It was too late to understand. “That our meeting wasn’t meant for us to be together.”
Velia let out a long howl. She released all her tears. She let out all the sadness that tore her heart. She let it all out until her body was no longer conscious.
*