Sabrina’s POV
Sitting by the soul lake in my office, I’ve given it a name to fit it’s use. Souls swimming idly by, gearing myself up for what I’m about to do.
My grandmother’s words playing in my head about the price. The price of playing god… and once again I’m at a crossroad.
To bring my brother the happiness he deserves, as do we all or let him suffer. Allowing him to suffer seems cruel and selfish with the sheer luck at love I’ve been given but the cruelty in all of this, will the be time I spend waiting for the price I will have to pay.
When all is well for everyone else, I’ll stand waiting for what’s to come.
The cruelty is in the fact that I get to choose who I save but I don’t get to choose who I lose. The cruelty in all of this, is that I can’t make them all happy, someone has to suffer and I can’t do anything about it.
The harsh cruelty is that I will constantly have to lose something to save someone.
If I don’t do this, my brother will spend eternity not knowing the love of a true mate. Being mated, being with someone that completes you and if I have the power to give that to him, why would I deny him that life?
I stand up to take my clothes off and I jump in. I had already made my decision when I promised my brother I’d bring back his love…
I can’t go back on my word now.
Lost souls begin to surround me, calling out to me and I try very hard to remember Simon’s voice. He didn’t say much but he was close by and I heard him loud and clear.
I swim around, my body relaxing in the water and I start to breath.
Simon finds me, his souls clinging on to me for dear life…. I put my hands on him and I allow my energy to illuminate him and bring him back. Once again the words play in my head, the price. the price. the price.. over and over again but I don’t stop.
This is for Anthony.
I’m doing this for Anthony.
I feel Simon disappear and I get out of the water, grabbing a large towel to cover myself with. Using it as a blanket to cover more than my skin, my fears will soon make themselves known and I’ll have to acknowledge them because of what’s to come.
“Noooo.. you went through with it.” Josey says to me as she sits next to me.
With a bottle in hand, she takes a swig and hands it to me. I drink some and then some more before handing it back to her.
I welcome the burn, from my throat to my insides.. just to feel anything but pain and fear that seems to be growing.
“I was hoping to catch you before you go in.” She says to me, pulling me in for a hug.
I breakdown.
“Sabrina, you don’t owe us any of this. From me to Anthony and any one that loses a lover from now on. Not at the cost of your own happiness.” Josey says to me.
“I promised Anthony.” I say between sobs.
“And he shouldn’t have accepted it. He knows what will happen right after and it was selfish of him to allow you to make such a life altering promise.” Josey says to me.
She helps me up and wipes me up like a baby as I watch on.
The fact that only Josey came to stop me broke me even more.
Not mother, not father.
I put on my clothes and we walk out of my office, Josey saying something about my room.
We were about to walk past Anthony’s room where mother and father sat, happily watching their son embrace a now alive Simon. Stopping at the door, Anthony looks my way and our eyes connect but he says nothing and I look away, when my parents fail to say anything, I walk away, Josey as always following me to my room.
She opens the door for me and I walk in. Once again, Xander was waiting for me.
I sit on my bed as Josey closes the door before sitting next to me.
Minutes pass before I find the strength to say anything. What stuck with me was the way they all just looked at me, not a thank you. Not a I’m sorry or what do you need? Not a warm hug to quieten my sorrow or to hush the worry.
They all just looked at me, void of any emotion. I’m not sure if they were waiting for me to breakdown since it’s all I’ve been doing lately or they believe me to be strong.
Forgetting that I’m their child and maybe for once in their lives, I need them to be the strong ones for me. The war was inside my soul not with a new enemy and this time, I don’t need Hunter to kill someone.
I just want them to be my parents. Not the father of a moon goddess or the mother of the white wolf.
I want Sabrina’s parents. The little girl inside me wants to feel a mother’s love and her father’s secure arms.
Maybe I should have asked or maybe they should’ve known.
“They all just stood there…” I say in disbelief.
“Yeah. They did that.” Josey chimes in.
“Why didn’t they stop me? Why was it just you? When will mother ever be a mother and protect all her children? Why does it have to be my job to protect their own son at the risk of my own? I’m going through so much. My own mate killed my twin brothers mate for power, not to be with me. Why do I have to stay here and endure all of this? Why am I the one that’s always sacrificing over and over again for people? I’m so tired of playing the hero. I’m so tired of being me. I just…. I just want to disappear where nobody can find me.” I say, Josey having nothing to say and Xander kneels before me.
“Then leave. Who says you have to stay and endure this? Why should you be the only one that suffers? Leave and be happy or stay but I’ll support you whichever way but do it for you. Let it be your decision and not let someone else talk you in to making a decision that benefits them. We can leave now, leaving everything behind and taking Drastos with us. I can’t promise you a life without pain or loss but I can promise to love you through it all and swear you won’t go through it all on your own. If you choose to stay, I will stay too. Let CJ worry about who will run my pack because you can’t run the world on your own with no support. Let me in Sabrina…” Xander says to me.
I run my fingers through his hair. The words ‘the price.’ ringing in my head over and over as I look at the beautiful man kneeling in front of me.
I almost lost him.
Could I face that again? Is he the price I have to pay for my brother’s happiness?
Would I let him die? Or gamble with fate once more and bring him back? Would I be able to bring him back?
Will Aiden be the price? Because even in my anger, I won’t deny my deep love for him. The betrayal of my body that still yearns for him but still wanting Xander. How it’s never enough with just one of them and how I thought of the idea of having them both, a dream only in my head.
I had it.
They brought it to me, on a golden tray and I rejected it. I rejected it because I don’t know anyone that has ever done it before, with the chance of it backfiring so big, I could lose them both.
Would letting him in bring me the little bit of happiness I need to see this life through? And if he is the happiness I need, I’ve come to accept that my happiness is almost always shortlived.
It is as if my love with Xander is forbidden. It is a fairytale love, a love unreal… why then would it always be shortened? Sacrificed?
Constantly tested, torn apart and as it stays strong, I break. Allowing intrusions that cripple me.
Xander standing before me proves that I’m the broken one. Not the love we both share for each other and not his heart. How he’s still here after everything my life has thrown at him, my family and my true mate.
At the risk of his own life, here he is kneeling before me.
The alpha is kneeling before me to ask me to let him in. I don’t know a purer love… not from my mother and definitely not from my father….
Not like this….