I shrug on my jacket as Jordy sticks her feet into my extra pair of Timberlands. The boots are enormous but she stuffs paper around the socks.
I check my pocket for my flask and weapons, taking care to hide what I’m packing from Jordy. “Let’s go.”
Outside she waits and watches me switch out the license plates on the truck.
“This truck is hot,” I explain.
“Hot?”
“Stolen.”
She cocks her head to the side. “Why did you steal it?”
“Couldn’t take you on the bike.”
A sigh escapes her. She’s gnawing on her lip, staring out over the valley.
“What is it?” I ask.
“Grizz, seriously, why am I here? Augustine isn’t gonna like it.”
“You call him master and sometimes Augustine.”
She flushes, her eyes meeting the ground.
“It’s not a judgment. I’m just curious about it. The dom submissive stuff is a game.”
“It isn’t,” she insists.
I raise a brow at her as I haul my tool box back to the shed.
“It is, and it isn’t,” she falters. “You know how important dominance and submission is to shifters. We live and die by it.”
“Yeah, but the sexual part. I don’t get it.”
She gnaws her lip, staring up at me. I’m about to order her to stop biting her lip before she chaps it, when she blurts, “Haven’t you ever wanted to give someone everything? Prove how much you love them?”
She presses forward, laying a hand on my chest, right over my heart. Her touch hits me like a Taser. I jerk but she doesn’t notice. Her eyes are wide, rapt, and words rush from her like she’s been holding them in all her life. “Haven’t you wanted to love someone so much you’d do anything, even let them drag you beyond the boundaries of normal, into forbidden territory? And you go with them, just to show how much you trust them. You’d do anything for them. You’d give your life, your heart, your pain, and it’d be a pleasure.”
The air leaves my lungs. “Jordy-”
“Don’t you want a love like that?” She has both hands on me now, her little fingers fisting in my leather jacket. “If you found it, wouldn’t you do anything to hold on to it?”
I take her wrists. “Kit-”
“Wouldn’t you?”
I stare at her. She’s got a clear blue ring around her eyes but it fades to brown close to the pupil. Her lips are plump and soft. She’s up on tiptoe, her whole body thrown into convincing me of what she’s saying, hoping I’ll understand.
I hate to disappoint her. “No, Kit. I can’t say that I would.”
It hurts watching the light fade from her face. She starts to pull away and I grip her wrists tighter.
“Did you love Augustine?” My words come out a growl.
She bites her lip and looks away. I take hold of her chin and turn her face back to mine. “Answer me.” My bear is clawing my insides, roaring to break free.
“No, okay. I don’t. But I like what we have. My fox is…I need to be protected. All I ever wanted was that.” Her shoulders slump at the admission. It’s a half lie. She wanted more, but she settled for protection. I want to say something, comfort her, but what? We don’t see the world the same way. For me, there’s only predator and prey, and I’ve made damn sure I’m a predator. Jordy is weak. At worst, she’s prey, a pawn to those more powerful than her. At best, she’s collateral damage. But I can’t say that. On some level, she already knows it. Despite her hope for something better. A love to be all, end all.
“I guess it sounds silly to you,” she whispers. She won’t meet my eyes.
I drop her chin. I’ve done enough damage.
“Get in the truck, Kit. We need to go.”
Grizz
ON THE RIDE, Jordy is quiet.
I keep thinking about what she said. She laid it all out for me. Fates, this kit needs someone to protect her. The first guy to come along and treat her decent and she spills her guts to him. As if I’m her soulmate. Her one true love. I’ve seen enough to know that shit doesn’t exist. I might want to fuck her, my bear might want to keep her, but that’s just biology. She makes love something noble. She has a whole manifesto. Love is something to live and die for, something to believe in.
The only thing I believe in is revenge. Revenge: that’s what I live and die for. The only reason I met her in the first place is this job for Frangelico. A job I took because he can give me what I want.
I gotta find more leads. More proof that the reason the vampires are taking shifters is to use them as sweetbloods. Nail down the location of the shifter slavers Jordy mentioned. If there’s a black market for shifters operating in Frangelico’s territory, we need to shut it down.
Then I can continue on my original hunt.
The only wild card is Jordy. There’s no way I’m sending her back to Augustine, but I can’t keep her. Snatching her was just part of the job. If I’m not careful, she’ll become a distraction.
In my line of work, distractions will get a bear killed.
Jordy’s just a clue to the mystery. She’s nothing but a means to an end. As much as my bear wants her to be more, it’s not safe for her, or fair to me.
Bottom line: I can’t get involved. No more fantasizing about keeping her forever. I’m going to use her to complete my mission. If she lets me in, I’ll take a taste, but I’ll make it clear it means nothing.
She thinks love is forever-she’s wrong. Everything ends. And when the time comes, I’ll be ready to say goodbye.