“Deimos.” I whisper standing by the door not taking a step into his cave until he welcomes me in just like I was another regular wolf.
He slowly gazes up at me and offers me a weak smile. “Mate. Come in, you do not have to wait outside. This is your home.” He utters shifting into a more comfortable position, the bed groaning to his movements. Deimos never calls me by my name respecting my wish to not be called as such by him. It feels like we have retreated to our initial meeting when he calls me mate.
I peek at the bowl filled with water next to a washcloth placed by his feet. “What is that for?” I question trudging towards him eyes lingering on the floor, unable to meet his that beckon mine. My voice is soft as if I were speaking to a pup, I saw the war within him. I know how he feels at this moment.
“To wipe away the blood.” He mutters peering down. I gasp at his words swiftly moving towards his flesh worried eyes scanning for wounds. This male cannot live a day without getting hurt. I do not touch him, merely sweep through his entirety so I can help him with any cuts. He at least deserves such from me as a Luna.
“Show me.” I say whilst kneeling as he spreads his legs for me to nudge myself in between. He watches my movements with a gentle look as if now he possessed a little peace.
He opens his trembling palms to me. “Do you see it? My flesh stained with the blood of my warriors?” He questions whilst he struggles to breathe. He feels as though he shall never be forgiven for his deed as if he has committed a crime that the moon shall never pardon him for.
Challenges are common in packs where many are killed this way. But this is Deimos’s own emotions he is fighting, for he possessed personal and close relationships with his warriors and this is what haunts him.
There is no blood, it is his guilt that makes it true to his eyes. Guilt will eat at him until there is nothing more left of him to devour. Holding his palm in my left hand gathering the washcloth with my right dipping it into the water I clean his bare palm gently.
“I shall wipe it for you.” I whisper as he lets me do it with no words of opposition.
“Evander, Chariton, Azarios, Glaucus, Koios.” He says names of males out loudly. “These were the names of some of the warriors my wolf slaughtered mercilessly. I knew each one of them, they were good males. I saw the pain in their eyes before some shifted, they did not wish to go against me but they did so for the pack despite knowing the brutality of my wolf.” The pack indeed always comes first.
“I know. I saw it, I felt you.” I speak my truth cleaning his other palm off the blood only he sees.
“How shall I seek absolution? The moon shall take something from me for this. She can have anything she pleases except you and Kal.” He declares eyes staring into a distance.
“Deimos.” I whisper his name in an achingly soft tone, hoping it shall calm the storm brewing within him. His eyes snap back to me as he searches mine seeking my truth.
“It has been a long time since you called me like this. It feels nice.”
“I shall pardon you.” I utter finally meeting his emeralds, the light within him has dimmed.
“What?” He asks frowning, a state of confusion he slips into.
As I clean his palm I say, “Look, I am cleaning you off the blood of your warriors, aren’t I? I am cleaning you off your guilt too. This pack is ours Deimos, I will not let any wolf take it away and so should you. This pack is the link to our souls.”
His eyes widen to my words to him, he seems to be in shock as if unbelieving that I am speaking such words to him. Perhaps he is thinking that he is imagining it.
“Thank you, my female.” He whispers his palm rising to hold my cheek thumb sliding across my cheekbone with a gentleness. I allow him this. Leaning down with a slowness to his movement, he searches my eyes for my consent before placing his lips upon the flesh of my neck over my mark. An intimate gesture meant only for comfort and to show his gratefulness.
I shiver uncontrollably my fingers digging into the material of my jeans eyes fluttering shut I indulge in the feelings that erupt within me. A beautiful feeling that pulls me to stay and drown in his warmth. As he moves away from my flesh I grab the back of his neck and pull him back down to me swiftly.
He grunts with the unwarned movement eyes widening questioning mine. Leaning forward I push my trembling lips onto his mark that I gave him. He gasps clutching into the mattress for dear life as the entirety of his being sways. His control on the brink of slipping away as he fights a war within himself. Hands that wish to bound me to him move beneath his thighs staying there caged until I remove myself away from his warmth.
“You have chosen the right path, Deimos. Our male has a new canvas now as you said. Let us watch him grow and paint it as he pleases. Together.” I whisper.
He smiles a painful smile as if a weight has been lifted off his shoulders. A weight that had been tying him down digging a hole to bury him deep under. “Together.” He whispers back with a curt nod.
“Why did you not allow me to fight with you? Why did you not let me know of your decision?” I ask. If perhaps I had known before we could have planned it together, we could have fought for this as one.
“Because this was my decision to make, this was my fight. Because I did not want you on that stage. I did not want their fury to turn towards you. I needed you safe from their wrath, I needed you blind to it for that way they shall know you did not influence my decision. That I had made it myself seeking change.” He speaks his truth. He wished to protect me from being burnt from the flames.
“This decision, why did you truly make it?”
Serious emeralds burn brightly to my question. “For you. For our male.” He answers with no hesitation.
“Why now?” I ask getting up slowly sitting on the bed next to him. Our arms touch, flesh against flesh, the heat of his body entices me pulling me into a trance-like bubble. I am no longer uncomfortable with it rather highly aware as if it were the very first time.
“Because I made peace with it. With killing my wolves. I had made this decision long ago but I was in fear every time I spoke with my warriors for I did not know whose life I would be taking.”
It was a difficult decision to make for it came with a price. Choices bring consequences, he has now faced it. This is a consequence he has to deal with. Another grave he must save himself from.
“Perhaps being my mate is hard for you, Deimos. There are always battles you must fight because of who I am.” I whisper. This is no insecurity of mine, rather some of my thoughts that often consumes me. I had always wanted an answer to this, I had always wished to know of this.
His hands fly forward with swiftness to capture my shoulders turning me to face him so I can meet his eyes. So I can see his truth. “Never. Never have I thought of you this way. I told you once I shall tell you again. I am blessed to have you as my female.”
“And what of the battles, you must face on my behalf? Perhaps even on Kal’s behalf in the future?”
“I will do just as you have done in the past and still do for me.” He whispers, almost radiant emeralds shinning whilst they regard me.
“I do not understand what you mean,” I reply as he shifts closer to me, the warmth of his palms seeps through my clothes to touch my flesh. As if I was being engulfed in flames but still safe and untouched.
“I will fight. I will fight for you and Kal. Ceaselessly.” His words to me seemed as if he were making a promise. A promise he shall uphold till the moon calls for him.