The day he left, the sky had opened her soul and wept. The rain pounded the earth whilst the cold eerie fog loomed over the pack, a bad sign it showed us. It came as a big surprise for a storm brew in mid-summer and that itself brought fear into our hearts.
The main gate that looked too big for me once upon a time, seemed small only allowing out those going for war the others disallowed to leave and forced to stay in. I did not sleep the previous night staring at the moon with a gut-wrenching fear that crept up my spine. It sank its fangs into my flesh digging deep spreading its venom that flooded me from within.
The night was quiet yet if one listened closely they could hear the mourning of females who were preparing to throw the wolves they held close to their hearts directly into the pit of death. It was that feeling of uncertainty that struck us all. Whether we shall be blessed with their presence or shall never lay our eyes upon them again.
The Deimos I evaded like the plague, I looked for him. Keeping my eyes on him wherever he went I made sure he spent enough time with Kal. A smile would creep up my lips that I would hide from his eyes when he spoke to the young ones of the pack. Yet the second my eyes fled from him, his would land upon my flesh. It was a secret game of catch we played.
Whilst the grey sky added to the gloominess and sorrow we felt inside that day, the warriors clutched their females tightly to their chests. Mothers, daughters, mates. I had put my walls up whilst he was bare. His eyes were always on me, when the elders bid their farewells or when the warriors spoke to him.
As the engines of the trucks roared to life, my heart sank into deep stinky waters. As the weapons were loaded, my body swayed. My mouth shut I hadn’t uttered a word to any wolf holding them deep inside. My emotions were wild and mourning within me but I did not show it for as their Luna I needed to be strong and stand tall so that they could lean on me.
As I held Kal that early morning I struggled to breathe, my male merely four months may never see his father again. Is this what our lives are meant to be was what I kept thinking. When everything was set, among the wails of the females he walked towards me.
His eyes on the pup in my arms, each step he took made me shiver. Anxiety, nervousness, pain. I had several emotions fighting for control within me. Bending down placing his cheek upon Kal’s he nudged him softly as my male gargled and laughed and he earned a soft smile from his father.
“Be good, my male.” He whispered voice achingly low almost a painful whisper.
His eyes snapped to mine and I held in my breath whilst I waited for his words or actions. He offered me a curt nod of acknowledgement perhaps thinking it was what I wished for him and swiftly turned to head back to the truck. I remember that moment for my heart sunk even deeper and his action had pained me.
But his steps halted mid path as if he had changed his mind or lost an inner conflict and he turned back to me, eyes met my drowning yearning ones.
He strode back to me, pace heavy and rushed eyes focussed with purpose. As he stood that day in front of me he took a deep breath and grabbed my hidden trembling hand in his and drew it to his lips. With closed eyes, he placed a deep small kiss upon my flesh thumb gently soothing the skin. His action had comforted me yet added fuel to the fire of my fear.
“I shall return to you in twelve days, this I promise.” The last of his words whispered to me. With one final glance, at Kal and me he had left disappearing into the relentless fog.
But that promise of his was broken for he did not return in twelve days. He hadn’t returned for a month now and I go insane with fear each day. Sleep starved I wait for him to return, for the trucks to come barging in through the gates. If he were on a trip meant for another matter I would call him but this was different, this was war.
“Alpha there is no use staring out the window every morning.” Elriam whispers startling me from behind holding a cup of steaming tea meant for me in her hands. I was so engrossed with my waiting that I failed to notice her presence. “I would inform you first if some of our scouts have received news.”
“I feel uneasy. Something is not right.” I reply to her leaning my cheek against the window peering outside scanning the area. “He said twelve days. That has passed already and he has not sent any wolf back regarding what had happened.”
“I understand, Alpha.” She says.
“What if he is harmed? What if he is unconscious?” Anxiety bubbles up within me my heart pounding whilst my mind delivers thoughts of him when he was in a coma. It has grown to become a trauma to me that when war is mentioned all I can think of is him lying in bed as if he were truly dead.
“Did you feel anything, Alpha?” She questions as I turn my weary gaze back at her.
“Nothing. And that is what scares me the most for it is not a good sign.” I whisper. If I at least feel him in physical pain I would know he breathes. My fingers tap the wooden table continuously whilst my mind formulates a plan. I must do something, I had waited but waiting brings no outcome.
“Whatever you are thinking of please do know I am against it.” Elriam is quick to dive in with her truth for she knows me very well. She knows what is to be my next move.
“I waited, Elriam. I waited for a month.” I reason with her.
“And perhaps you can wait for more. It is not safe, Alpha.” She says pushing the fresh cup of tea closer to me.
“If you think this tea is going to make me calm down and halt my decisions, you are so very wrong.” I mutter beneath my breath my accusing eyes meet her cunning eyes.
“Please it is not a good idea to put yourself in harm’s way and what about the little one?” She implores me her eyes begging me not to do what it is I am thinking.
We stare at each other for a while a small wordless battle between us. “Call Cronus.” I briskly break the silence only for her to shut her eyes in defeat.
“Alpha!” She calls out to me her voice raising not in a commanding way but in pleading.
“Perhaps I am putting a lot at risk but I must bring my male’s father back safe and sound. It is my duty, Elriam.” I say.