Of the eerie silent and cold darkness, he was drowning in with no way out. Death called to him and he was on standing on the edge, and the moon chose whether to push him or let him stay.
“Of course. What kind of an Alpha does not fight for his pack?” He asks pacing around the room comforting the little one in his arms who seeks his attention.
“What kind of a pack does not fight for their Alpha and bounds him to disgusting traditions?” I am quick to counter his reply. An attack that flew past my lips without neither hesitation nor though. An attack thrown at him by me that was unnecessary. His steps halt, back turned to me. I see a slight bend of his spine shoulders drawn in head low.
“That was uncalled for. I apologize.”
“Your words hold your truth, mate. And my pack holds theirs. But my truth, I do not hold it. It is not in my hands. My father did not hold his either. I want Kal to wake up in a world that he sees as his canvas. He can paint it as he pleases and the colours shall follow his paintbrush.” Deimos says. I do not understand the meaning that lies beneath his words but I do not question it.
“When will you leave?” I ask swiftly changing the topic not wishing to have this conversation.
“As soon as the warriors are ready.” He replies turning back to face me not asking further about my attack.
“Are you ready? Are you frightened?” I ask whilst standing up taking a slow short step towards him.
He looks a bit taken back to my question for I have caught him off guard. But then he chuckles a loud one peeking out from his throat. “This is the first time I am going to utter these words in my life. Yes. Yes, I am frightened. No, I am not ready, my female.”
“Why so? Is it the pack? Are they fearful? Then why go to war, Deimos? Let us discuss it, find a doable solution.” I take another step closer to his heat. How can he go to war when he is with fear?
“It is because I have much to lose now, mate. I possess a family who shines brighter to me than any star in the night sky. A family I must protect with my life and help keep warm in the coldest of winters. A family who possess the entirety of me.” His truth slides into my soul, the words capture it tying me down.
I look away from him to the window that lies behind him. A family. Something I yearned for and something he was afraid to possess. Now the roles have reversed, I am afraid and he… he is yearning. How much longer shall he pull and I push until I lose balance and fall into him?
“I-I need to go.” I whisper quickly for the heat of his gaze is pushing me into a haze. Deimos looks disappointed but offers me a soft nod handing me my male slowly. As I gather Kal into my arms I peek back at Deimos. “I shall go and comfort the females, and mourn with them. And I… I shall see you tonight.”
His eyes widen a little to my last words as his surprise manifests into a soft smile eyes gentle as he peers down at me. A smile with all his teeth on display. “I shall see you tonight, my female.” I give him a nod and walk out of his office giving him one final glance before shutting the door softly behind me.
Leaning against the closed door placing my palm over my beating heart patting it slowly I whisper, “Calm down now.” It feels as though it would burst at any moment. His smile was so bright and so very… beautiful. I am swimming in his warmth but I do not wish to dive deeper. I am too fearful of it.
Taking a deep breath preparing myself mentally for what is to come I head towards the open pack lands. I need to meet with the females who have lost their sons, their fathers, brothers and mates. I need to sacrifice myself to them so that they can seek comfort with me.
In a small house, the females who have lost their males have gathered together seated on the floor many more standing outside for there is no place left to accommodate them within. Their combined cries boom through the open door for every female to hear, feel and part take in. There is no males present, it is a place of mourning only for the females. Their scorching-hot cries burn through the flesh of one’s soul.
My body trembles with their combined auras of misery and gut-wrenching pain that looms over them caging them. Elriam stands by the side her eyes showing me her surprise at the matter. She was unaware of the death of our scouts as well. I beckon her and she comes forward briskly to my call.
“Keep Kal with you and take him back to my house. He is too young to absorb the current energy, it shall harm him.” I hand him to Elriam who pays heed to my words and quickly walks away.
Knowing he is in safe hands I stride through the crowd as the females part giving me a path for me to get through. Stepping into the house I am met by their red swollen eyes on me as well as the scent of death that swims freely throughout the room. One’s soul must be strong to take part in this. They watch me with trembling lips many pounding their chests with their fists their bodies swaying back and forth drained of energy.
The females are bare their flesh unclothed as a sign that they mourn for the loss of theirs and others and nothing is hidden. Their body the temple of their soul shall know and comfort the sorrow of others. Shared mourning.
Kneeling upon the ground I strip myself off my clothes and sit there in the middle of the circle naked. “Forgive me for I am late, my females. Give me your sorrow, give me your pain, give me your misery. I shall give you comfort and heal you in return to what the moon has taken from you.” I whisper eyes closed both palms placed on my thighs as a sign of openness, sacrifice and welcoming. I shall take what they give.
A moment of silence and then the room booms with their sobs. They cry to me, many crawling forward on their hands and knees placing their palms upon mine to which I clutch on to. They place their hands on my body, on my shoulders, on my chest and back. Some lay their heads upon me as a sign of support. I knew there was death but I did not know the extent of the damage caused. There is so many, I came unprepared.
Tears stream down my cheeks my lips quivering, uncontrollable sobs begin to break through my heart. “He was merely a juvenile. He still hadn’t met his moon blessed. He waited for her. I wanted to see him with his family.” One of the older females wails banging her forehead upon the floor. A mother. She is a mother. “Goddess.” I say. A pain of a mother only another mother shall know and feel.
“He was my male. He was my male. Mine.” Another young female weeps her heart out. She sits in the corner of the house knees tucked to her chest arms around her legs. Her words muffled for her head is pressed into her thighs. She lost her mate. The shadow of her flesh is highlighted by the fire burning in the middle of the room. Yet the fire in her soul seems to burn stronger, it is beginning to rot her insides.