“Elria-” Before her name could be fully screamed from my lips, my elbow is clutched by a large warm hand and pulled from behind. I am swiftly turned around to face a heavy breathing fuming Deimos. His chest heaves with the pressure of his angered breaths.
“You think I am not hurt enough for you to strike me with your words and actions?” A rumbling question booms from his chest.
“I do not wish for you to merely hurt. I wish for you to bleed.” I snarl my fangs bared to his face. My claws surge out, my wolf peeking at us from beneath her lashes pushing herself deeper into her cage unwilling to take control that I desperately wish for her to. I don’t want to have this conversation, one I have been running from yet she provides me no support. This had to be all me.
He takes deep breaths trying to calm his wolf who wants to surge and claim his mate who runs. Then his eyes sadden as he peers down at me.
“I knew this would happen. I knew this would be what we would come to. I tried so, so goddamn hard to go against this. You must understand me, my female.” He whispers but it sounds as though he was pleading with me.
“Then why? Then why?” I scream my palms pushing at his chest harshly, claws tearing through his shirt plunging into his flesh. The first drops of his blood are taken by me. My eyes blaze as a fire lit in dark nights and I regard him with his betrayal shown brightly in my eyes for him to see.
“I made a choice.” He utters looking away unable to see my eyes. To see the pain held deep whilst it tears into my soul. He is unable to face his consequences.
“What choice?” I question unable to control the tremors of my body. My voice is nothing but a drowning whisper.
“Between our potential future pup and you.” He replies. No lie, only truth. His lifeless eyes show me this.
“Speak in a way I understand or goddess help me I will have your throat.” My teeth grinding I threaten him for my patience was running on thin ice.
“I chose between if I had a firstborn female whether she would be my heir or if I would take a chosen.” He whispers. “I didn’t want her to go through what you did. I wanted her to live a life of laughter and pride. So in return, I bore the choice of possessing a chosen in return. It is the duty of an Alpha to choose a chosen for his male in case he possesses a first born female as his mate. It is a precautionary measure.”
“You made a gamble. You thought if I bore a female and the pack was against her reign you could burn the situation with the fact you possessed a chosen? You would have fought for her in that way?” I question frowning.
“Yes.” He nods in affirmation of his actions.
“And what if your damn chosen bore a female again.” I don’t understand. I don’t understand this tradition of theirs. It holds no value to me, to destroy the bond of mates for the sex of the pup. For their future Alpha. Why did it have to be a male? Why?
“You know that can never happen, my female. Only a firstborn Alpha female would be able to birth a firstborn female.” He shines a light on my doubts.
“Like my… my-” I stutter. This cannot be.
“Your mother.” Every word he says is an arrow into my mind pulling me into a little understanding. I had been blind to so many things for I was always kept in the dark.
I swallow loudly hoping my throat would open up so I can breathe again. So my heart would stand by his actions and my mind would not begin to blame my background.
“I had expected a first born female to be my mate. But with having you came a painful choice I needed to make.” He smiles looking down at me. He is thinking of the fond memories we had as mates but it was also a painful smile. Bittersweet.
“You said you were so sure I would have a male!” I scream at him with an anger I never thought I possessed.
“I was. Truly was for my family’s genes always overpowers. This same situation has happened several times long before in my family. But I knew there was a possibility you could have a female as well. Either way I would have told you the truth with time. Once you had recovered.” He utters biting his inner cheek.
“Liar. You lie to me, Deimos.” My accusation flying past my lips to strike at him.
“What would you have done if I told you about a chosen whilst you carried out male in your belly? What would you have done?! You would have run. You would have left me in pieces and you might have hurt yourself and Kal in the process. I must protect you both with my life.” His eyes glare into me knowing he speaks the truth for that is exactly what I would have done.
“Your pack does not know of this shameful tradition do they?” I question. My heart ponds in my chest hoping that-
He takes a slow painful breath as he takes a step back putting space between us. I possessed the answer before his lips could speak.
“They do.” He tells his truth.
“And they consider this normal? They consider this to be of pride and honor?” Disgust lies beneath my tongue. My stomach turns within me and I want to throw up. When you learn of so many truths at one go, I wonder how much strength one would need to hold them?
“It has been in my pack for generations, my female. Many Alpha’s tended to be mates with a first born female. I never truly thought against it until I came to hold
you as mine. It is imprinted in our minds since we are pups.” He holds his palm upon his chest.
Shaking my head rigorously my emotions pouring out of me. Painful breaths stop the beats of my heart. Losing the strength in my knees I fall to the ground with no hesitation from my body and mind.
He falls with me crawling upon the dirty muddy ground to hold his mate who cannot hold herself. I drown. He drowns with me.
Sobbing my fingers clenching my shirt right above my heart. His fingers digging into the dirt clutching it to the inside of his palms trying to control his raging emotions. His lower lip wobbles as his eyes strike deep into mine.
This decision, this painful choice forced upon him has destroyed us. Equally. A sorrow each of us has to bear. Who is to blame? Truly blame? My genes or this tradition his pack holds as right? Who holds this blame? This shame?
“It’s mine. It’s not your genes or the birth of my pack. Blame me for I am weak. Blame me for I don’t dare to go against my ancestors. Blame me for I don’t know what to do as I am holding onto you though I know you wish to leave me.” He urges with rigorous nods as if he were telling it to himself as well.
The wailing of my male from a distance calling upon his parents has both of us turning our attention to him.
“Perhaps you have come to hate me. Perhaps what I have done is unforgivable. But I cannot let Kal and you leave me for you both are all I … truly have.” Deimos expresses the feelings hidden in his heart.
“Stop.” I plead to crawl a step backward with a shake of my head.
“Won’t you fight for me again? One last time, let me take you home. Let me be your home.” He begs me. His truth spilling out of him to give him the last of chances. But how can I when he has used them all and I have run out of them?
“My fight. It ends here.” Three words. Might as well be my end to our bond.