My heart is pounding. Breath is hitching. Excitement and anxiety make love in swirls within me. Biting my lower lip, hands folded across my chest my eyes gaze at the packed suitcase upon the mattress. Clutching the list tighter I read over it again in fear I might have forgotten something.
I have gone through the list over seven times yet a part of me urges to do it again. I read through the last thing to take that is scribbled quickly on the piece of paper. “Birth pills.” I say aloud. A huge sigh leaves my lips as I read the word again this time seriously contemplating whether to take it or not.
With a quick nod fueled by my decision, I head out to the pack clinic. I am not doing this in fear of Deimos’s wishes. I am doing this to protect both of us because mates lose their minds during the heat and I don’t want something to happen that might cause regret.
Walking through the stony path between the fields of grass I greet all the pack members returning their smiles and wishes. Their smiles have gotten sadder trying their best to hide it but I can see it. They all know I am leaving soon but the females and pups have gotten attached to me so much that they don’t wish for me to leave.
My eyes glance up at the cloudy sky grey killing and overpowering the light blue. The clouds are puffing up preparing to blow perhaps in a day or two. My heat will arrive on the day it shall rain. Deimos said he will calm the fire this time without sedating me. He wishes to be the mate I need during this time.
He joked he will sacrifice himself to me to do whatever I please. Thinking back to the way he said those words, eyes glinting with mischief a chuckle leaves my lips. Palm out pushing the glass door of the clinic I head in.
Nobody needs to know about my meetings with the healer. I have been meeting her every day for the last week talking about precautions and pheromones during my heat. I didn’t know much so she taught me about it. Positions, contraception, and so on. I gained so much information that I am completely prepared.
“Luna Lumina.” She says my name before I could even enter her office.
“Guaritrice.” I give her a nod for my greeting as she bows deep eyes holding utmost respect every time she sees me.
“The classes were over yesterday.” She says frowning confused as to why I am here.
“Yes, I know. I am here for something else.” I reply my voice faltering. Am I doing the right thing? Who could even advise me on this matter but myself?
“What is it, Luna?” She questions preparing to grasp whatever I wish.
“Birth pills.” Is all I say as her eyes widen. She immediately shakes her head in denial of my request.
“You know I cannot give you that. It is a risk, Luna. It might harm you. It is only meant for females who might die before birth or for those who were taken against their will.” She whispers.
I listen quietly walking around the room my fingertips touching every nook and corner eyes scanning my surrounding. “I know. But I am willing to do so to protect the relationship I have built with Deimos.” I reply to her worries.
“He will kill me if he comes to know, Luna.” She trembles frightened as she speaks of my male for he is without mercy.
“Do not worry, I will make sure to tell him after my heat has ended.” I finally meet her eyes.
“It is against my protocol to do this. You must understand the consequences I taught them to you, Luna.” She begins to persuade me and I gaze out the window my ears tuning out her words. She doesn’t understand. What I fought for, how difficult my journey was.
Deimos stands amidst the field pups running in a circle around him trying to catch the other as he stands still arms folded behind his back acting as a pole for the pups to play. I can see the twinkle in his eyes and the soft smile he is trying to hide as he looks at them.
“I love him.” I whisper it to her and she stops talking. A soft smile reaches my lips as I watch my male. He doesn’t know I secretly watch him like this. He doesn’t know my eyes are always upon his flesh. Far away yet so near.
Turning around to face her I repeat the words I keep buried deep in my heart. “I love him, Guaritrice. I will do anything.” I make sure to enunciate each word trying to make her understand the depth of my feelings. To understand why I am willing to do this.
She regards me quietly yet I see the hint of understanding she holds beneath her barrier. With a sigh, she walks to the cabinet thrusting her hands inside moving around bottles and packets. The sounds of glass clinking and packets shuffling reaches my ears.
“Powder or Pill?” She asks me.
“Pill. He will know if its powder as I must mix it in something. I need to hide this from him.” I whisper as she shakes her head in disapproval again.
“What if this is not what he wants? What if this is what you think he wants, Luna?” She questions me. I don’t answer her. Because I don’t know and I don’t want to find out. I feel this might be what is best for us. Moreover, he had mentioned several times he did not wish for it did he not?
My wolf snarls within me tail thumping harshly upon the ground. She disagrees with my actions. She hates it and I am going against her will.
Guaritrice comes forward holding a small strip containing two pills in its hold. “One before mating and one immediately after you possess his seed. Take it quickly don’t wait.” She cautions me and I nod taking the strip from her.
“Thank you, Guaritrice.” I offer her a small smile but she offers me none in return still unhappy about my decision. I look down at the strip lying upon my palm. Such a small pill enough to block life. Enough to block a pup. A sad thought takes over my mind but I quickly brush it away. I must be mature about this.
“Here take this with you, it provides energy. Please be careful with those. I advise you to rethink your choice, Luna.” She places a tiny bottle filled with blood-red fluid in my hand.
With a quick nod, I head out prepared to finish my packing. On the way, I find the stares of the unmated males. They keep their distance only taking glances and peeks of my flesh. They cannot help it, my smell calls out to them. I can hear the loud intakes of my scent as well as their eyes feasting on my hips, the doing of my near heat.
I walk faster trying to get away but am suddenly pulled back onto a hard chest. Hand thrust into my hair pulling, baring my neck. Teeth sink deep claiming me in front of all to see. Eyes land from one male to another as he snarls and growls from within his belly booming out through his chest. His beast threatens.
Wrapping my arms around him I let out a small moan indulging in the feeling.