Tying my hair up loosely I head into the bathroom to wash my face. Splashing the cold water to wake me up from this nightmare I look at my reflection in the mirror. Who are you now, Lumina? Do you wish to run or are you strong enough to fight?
I don’t know. I answer myself. I don’t know who I am anymore without him by my side. Heading down the stairs Elriam is already present waiting to greet me with her little book.
“Good evening, Alpha. Did you have a good rest?” She asks me and gives her a small nod. “Ragon called.” She said and my eyes quickly snap to hers. I immediately walk closer to her my mind entangled with worry.
“Okay?” I ask her.
“There have been no changes.” She replies and disappointment hits me. I have gotten used to it now.
“What is left for me today?” I question looking ahead as the breeze softly grazes me through the open door.
“There is just one more thing then we can head home. It won’t take too much of your time. Gianna wants to see you. She’s here actually waiting outside.” She says and I clench my jaw.
I have to see her three times a week. That was my promise. She’s scared and lonely without her brother. Just like me without Deimos. Giovanni has left her alone at the pack for the first time in her life. She needs me. Before I could head out the bubbly laughter of the little pup reaches me and I find her running to me.
I kneel and open my arms for her and she immediately engulfs me in a hug, her arms around my neck. “Hello, Gianna.” I say and she laughs.
She grew up so fast in a matter of four months, it surprises me. She speaks quite well like the other pups her age. “Look zia Lumina! I draw this.” She calls me auntie now. It took time to teach her I am not her mother and she finally understood it. She shows me a paper with colorful sketches. There are four individuals drawn and I smile.
“Loro chi sono?” I ask her.
“This Gio, zio Deimos, zia Lumina, and me!” She says excitedly pointing to each drawing. My eyes go to Deimos. She drew him pretty well even the green eyes and the black shades he always wore. My lips wobble. Ahh, I am not dealing with this well now am I?
“It’s beautiful. Molto bene, Gia.” I say as a tear slides down my cheek.
Her little eyes widen as she looks at my face. “Why you cry, zia?” She asks me her little palm on my cheek. Her lips begin to tremble as well.
“All right, Gia! Zia Lumina isn’t feeling good today. I will take her home and let her relax tomorrow she will be good as new.” Elriam quickly comes grabbing an understanding Gia from my hands and passing her to the female in charge of her.
“Oh okie. Adio.” Gianna waves and I wave back with a small smile.
The driver opens the door to the car and I get in without another word. Elriam sits in the passenger seat and often turns around throughout the ride back home to check on me.
The ride home was excruciating as every day. I look towards the emptiness next to me. A scene takes over my mind. A flashback where we chatted on our ride back home.
“Okay, next question. Who would you rush to if you had a choice where you had to protect the pack or me? Don’t even say it, I already know. The pack right? Of course Deimos the Alpha of Alpha’s would run to his pack!” I ask him whilst reading the question from the app as a chuckle leaves my lips.
“You.” He replies, his voice calm as the ocean.
“Very funny. I think it would be amazing though when-” Deimos cuts me off as he grabs my chin to face him. His eyes are serious as he stares into the depths of mine.
“You, Lumina. Always, you.” He says as his lips meet my forehead and I close my eyes with a soft smile gracing his lips.
My hand reaches into his space to touch his face but he disappears into thin air. The flashback ends and my eyes are greeted by his empty seat. My eyes fill with tears once more.
I need to grab a hold of my emotions. I want to think positively and look towards the light but I cannot seem to. I feel as though the claws of never-ending darkness has got its hook on me and doesn’t wish to leave.
The familiar gates of my home open and I sigh looking at my watch and the folders in my hand. Looks like I will not be sleeping tonight as well.
The driver parks the car as Elriam walks over to my side and opens the door for me to get out. “Alberto.” I call to the driver.
“Sì, Luna Lumina.” He replies.
“Come earlier tomorrow. Around five in the morning.” I say and he quickly bows accepting.
“Alpha!” Elriam calls stopping my walk to my villa. “You need to rest, please don’t overwork yourself.” She speaks filled with deep concern.
“Anything!” I scream as she startles to my loud voice. “Anything to take my mind off him.” I continue my voice returning to its original softness.
She gives me a curt nod of understanding and I immediately walk into my villa. Removing my coat I hang it on the stand and head towards the refrigerator. Grabbing the bouquet of flowers I had kept inside for freshness I take it to the bedroom.
As I open the door, Ragon stands up immediately. He looks tired like me. Dark circles beneath his eyes, a thick book in hand and papers scattered all around the floor.
“Luna.” He bows.
“Thank you for being here. See you tomorrow.” I whisper as he smiles and leaves whilst grabbing his coat.
I walk towards the vase filled with freshwater and place the flowers in them slowly. “I bought you flowers. You would probably say its too cliché.” I chuckle.
Closing my eyes I take a deep breath. I do this every night but I still cannot get used to seeing him like this. Opening my eyes slowly I let them land on my male. The sound of the beeping of his heart monitor never calms me like its supposed to.
I sit in the small chair next to his bed placing my fingers on his cheek. He feels cold. Too cold, I hate it. “It smells good huh? Oh, what can it be that makes this place smell so nice? Is it Lumina’s flowers? Why yes it is!” I say as a smile graces my lips.
I clutch his hand into mine sliding my thumb over his knuckles. “Are you that tired that you still don’t wish to wake up, my male? It’s not fun waiting you know. I am so not missing you though.” I whisper.
“Yes, I am not missing you.” My lips tremble and uncontrollable tears from within my eyes like a rain cloud. My eyes keep swelling with the number of times I cry in a day. “I don’t miss you… at all.” The wall breaks free and I sob bringing his hand to my lips wailing in pain.
It kills me to see him like this. If only I had paid more attention things would have been so much better now. He wouldn’t have become like this. This is all my fault.
I am okay.