Anxious. I feel this is the perfect word to describe how I am feeling at this exact moment. In my entire life up to now, even before I went to war with the strongest of Alphas I have never felt this way. My stomach twists as I play with my fingers trying to distract myself from my feelings.
Deimos had left early in the morning for a meeting with the council and I couldn’t even express how I felt. He and I have gotten quite close to each other. We spend every waking moment together. I taste his lips when I want to and he touches me as he wishes.
Everything I dreamt of when I first met him has been coming true with each day. He isn’t the same anymore. He’s different, way more than I expected. His gaze isn’t ice cold but warm as it soothes my skin. His touch isn’t painful but sweet and hot. My life has changed and for the first time in a long time, I can say… I am happy.
“It’s alright, Alpha. You need not worry about it too much.” Elriam says softly as I look away from the window to her.
I begin pacing around the room. “You don’t understand. This is a big thing. I don’t wish to regret anything.” I tell her.
“The pack loves you, Alpha. They have wished for this to happen for a long time.” Elriam moves closer to me trying to soothe my nerves with her words.
“I understand but it’s the crowning ceremony Elriam! I will formally be introduced as the Luna to the pack. What if there are some members in the pack who don’t wish for this to happen? I haven’t talked to every wolf! What if-.” I throw my uncertainty at her as she calmly cuts me off.
“This uncertainty of yours is not because of the pack but something else yes?” Elriam asks me as I close my eyes and take a deep breath. She sure can see right through me.
“I don’t wish to lose my title as Alpha. I have been protecting it for so long. I fought for it with my blood and I… I just cannot seem to let it go.” I tell her as I fist my hands tightly.
“Alpha… you can never lose it. It’s in your blood. For us females, you will always be our Alpha and our lives are yours.” Elriam says softly placing her forehead on mine.
“I cannot seem to tell him Elriam,” I tell her.
“Tell him what?” She asks me.
“My uncertainties. My fears concerning this. Deimos seemed happy and excited for today. We have been planning the ceremony for weeks and the day has finally arrived while I am still doubting.” I tell her biting my lip.
“Alpha try telling him I am sure he’ll understand.” She says as I nod accepting her advice. “Speak of the devil.” She says pointing towards the window as Deimos’s car enters through the gate.
Without saying another word I sprint down the stairs to the gate, my hair flying all over across my face but I pay it no heed running straight towards him. I need to see him. Deimos opens the car door with a serious look on his face as he speaks to Ragon, his back towards me.
I run faster as Ragon’s eyes find me and he points towards me. Deimos looks behind frowning as his eyes widen when they find me. I fly into his arms hugging him tightly inhaling his scent as he shifts backwards with the force of my body thrown upon his. Ragon chuckles and I snuggle deeper into Deimos’s chest.
“Guess I was extremely missed yes Ragon?” Deimos’s husky voice questions Ragon as he chuckles once more.
“Well, I don’t know Alpha. Seems like Luna sat by the window and waited for your arrival.” He says teasingly as my cheeks burn.
Deimos slowly lifts my face towards his, bending down he meets his lips softly with mine as I fall deeper into him. “I am back, mate.” He softly says as I smile my palms lay softly across his chest.
“Welcome back,” I whisper as Ragon clears his throat.
“I will head inside first, need to continue the preparations for your ceremony,” Ragon says softly heading inside as Deimos and I don’t take our eyes off the other.
“Deimos I have something to tell -.” I stop as Deimos’s eyes widen all of a sudden as if he just remembered something. Letting go of me he opens the car door grabbing a small batch of papers.
“I have something to show you.” He says his tone excited as he takes me into his castle by my hand. We head up to his office as he scatters the papers across his desk. I walk towards the desk slowly curious as to my eyes land on several pictures of dress designs.
“I had some wolves design these for your ceremony today. Go through them and tell me which one you like. They are all ready to be worn you can even try them on. Personally, I liked this one, I thought-.” Deimos stops as his eyes land on me.
Silence envelopes us as he stares at me and I look at the floor. Deimos walks towards me as I take a step back. His eyes watch my movement as he frowns.
“What’s wrong, mate? I keep feeling something radiating from you for the past few weeks. I didn’t want to disrupt your space so I didn’t ask you anything. You need to talk to me as I cannot read your mind.” Deimos says softly as my lips wobble.
“I-I don’t want you to get upset with me or think I am weak,” I say as I shiver softly. Deimos walks softly towards me placing his hands on my hip.
“Tell me.” He whispers.
“I am scared Deimos,” I tell him as he frowns.
“Scared of what? Has someone threatened you?” He questions me.
“No no nothing of that sort. I feel it towards my crowning ceremony.” Deimos tilts his head to the side.
“What is there to be scared of mate? I want you to be my Luna. The pack has been waiting so long for this. I don’t understand.” He says as I shake my head and move away from his touch. He’s making it harder for me to say it. How can I put my feelings into my words?
As I take steps away from him he pulls me back into his hold once more forcing me to look at him. “Don’t move away from me, mate. Let me hold you to ease your fears.” He says putting a strand behind my ear giving me time to open up to him.
“Deimos. I… I d-don’t want to lose my Alpha title.” I say it quickly looking at his chest rather than his eyes. I am scared of his reaction. I feel the shake of his hands upon my body.
“Are you saying you don’t want to be my Luna?” Deimos whispers as his voice falters and I quickly clear his misunderstanding.
“No! I want to. Very much but imagine you had to lose your title and become…. someone else. The title and respect I possess I fought for it tooth and claw. I killed my own blood for the crown so I…” I fade away with my words as Deimos doesn’t say another word.
Is he angry? I have gone and done it now haven’t I? But I just needed to let him know. I know it’s late to say this a few hours before the ceremony but I couldn’t hide it anymore.
“Have you been holding all this within you for the past months? I understand, mate.” Deimos says softly as my eyes snap to his.