Victoria looked up at me with her large watery blue eyes.
“Don’t worry, baby, Mama won’t let anything happen to you,” I promised softly as I tried to tame her wild silver curls. She was an exact copy of me and Niklaus was an exact copy of Nikolai-from his thunderstorm grey eyes to his blond hair-the same blond that Nikolai’s black hair turned unto whenever he used his fire powers. From his grumpy, stubborn nature to his love for chocolate, he was all Nikolai. He was going to grow up to look exactly like his father.
She nestled in the crook of my head and fell asleep again, just like that. I placed her back in her crib so she could finish her sleep.
I sat down on the edge of the bed, the emptiness taking over again.
My hand automatically inched closer to the drawer in Nikolai’s nightstand and I opened it. The pile of unopened letters made my heart full. There were a lot of them were for me, but there were also quite a few for Niklaus and Viktoria. All of them had different occasions and dates on them, telling us when to open them.
The fact that he had taken so much time and effort to do this, that he had put so much thought into this never failed to bring tears to my eyes.
I reached for mine.
Hello Love,
If you’re reading this letter, my plan worked!
You lived, Avalyn, you lived! Now you will get everything you ever wanted and more. I know you wanted to live to see our children, you wanted to see them take their first steps, you wanted to see them grow up, go to school, meet their mates… you wanted them to know their mother. You wanted to love our children.
And I couldn’t bear not giving you everything you wanted. I did everything I could to find the cure, Ava. You have to believe that. I know you tried your best too. But maybe, that wasn’t in the Moon Goddess’s plans. That’s when I came across this spell. I didn’t know if it would work. But I had to give it a shot. So that you could have a real shot at life. I cannot even begin to tell you how much I prayed to the Moon Goddess to make this work.
I’m so sorry I couldn’t find a proper cure. But this seemed like the next best thing. It exchanged my life for yours’, Love. Because of which, I want you to live your life and mine. Just live, Avalyn. You’ve been through too much to mourn for the rest of your life. I want you to wake up every morning and live your life to the fullest. Be the best mother you can be, be the best Queen you can be, help all the people you can, do everything you want to do and more, Avalyn.
That was all I ever hoped for, Moya Lyubov.
And I know that once this sadness fades, you’ll be angry. But don’t worry, you can open the next letter I have written for you. And I hope that you’re following the instructions on the cover! I’ll be keeping an eye on you from down here. Okay, fine I’m sorry, from up here. I know you don’t like the jokes that insinuate I’ll go to hell. But when you go to heaven and don’t find me there, I’ll try to refrain myself from saying ‘I told you so’. And maybe you could bribe the Moon Goddess with your awesome cooking skills and bring me up there so we can finally be together.
Because regardless of what I did, leaving you to live alone was not my intention. Making sure you live was. And you’re never truly alone anyways. You always have our family with you. If there was a way that I could be there with you, I want you to know I would be there. I would have been there to wake up with you, to go to bed with you and to spend all the time I could with you. But unfortunately, that is not how things worked out. And I am terribly sorry for that.
The time that we had together was a lot shorter than what I had envisioned for us. But it was perfect. I wouldn’t change anything for the world. Not even our fights, our arguments or misunderstandings. Because they helped me know you so much better. Every second I spent with you is worth more than all those years I lived without you.
I love you, Avalyn. I love everything about you. I love the way you love sleeping and I get to wake you up in the mornings, I love the way your hair looks like a bird’s nest in the morning (in an adorable, cute way), I love the way your lips automatically form a pout when you’re thinking about something too much, the way you bite your lip when you’re unsure of something or when you’re shy or embarrassed. I love the way you tie your hair up when you cook and that one lock always manages to come loose and that you get annoyed by it. I love that you dislike working out but do it just to assure me that you are strong enough to handle yourself in case of any trouble. I love your stupid jokes. I love how you dote on Vanessa and Adrian, I love your relationship with my brothers and Natalia. I love your brain, the way you think, I love your heart, the way you feel and display emotions. I love that even after going through all that you’ve been through, you never fail to see the good in others, to see the good in this world, or to see the good in me, even when I struggle to do so.
And the fact that you love me so much makes me believe that if this angel loves me, I must not be the monster I’ve always thought myself to me. Maybe I’m worth more. Maybe I’m worthy of your love. Moon Goddess must have made you my mate for a reason, right? Whatever it might be, I thank my stars that you are mine. Thank you for being mine. On my worst days and my best. Thank you for choosing to be with me the second time around when you had the choice to choose otherwise.
Thank you for those beautiful eleven months that we spent together. I count myself lucky to have met you, to be given the opportunity to save you, to help you find yourself, to see you grow into the beautiful person you are today-inside and out and to see you love yourself.
I am sorry for all the troubles and tears I have caused you. I’m sorry for everything you are going through right now. If I could take your sadness away, I would. If I could be there to help you out with our children, I would. If I could have been there for even a split second, I would.
I love you, Avalyn. More than life itself.
Love,
Nik.