“I will live,” I said with conviction. “I just know, Nikolai, my children will not kill me. It cannot be in their blood.”
“The curse is in your blood, Ava. And to kill one’s own parent is in mine. I’m going to kill Adrik.” His hold on my hand tightened. “It’s in their blood too.”
“You’ve already believed that I’m going to die.”
“The proof is right in front of me.” His finger traced the side of my face softly, “you’re losing your appetite. You’re losing a few pounds every day. I can feel your powers reducing in the same proportion your belly is growing. Which is way too fast to be normal. Or safe.”
“I’m going to live.” I argued weakly.
“My hope is dwindling. What if we can’t find a cure? What if you do die?” He asked, pain lacing his every word.
“Hope is all we have,” my breath hitched. Nik can’t lose hope, not when we need it the most. “We will go to the Faye Dimension and then everything will be okay. We will work harder.”
“What if Faelern doesn’t have the cure?” He asked the question I didn’t know the answer of. I hadn’t even considered the possibility.
I remained silent.
“I find myself unable to love them.” My heart stopped when he said those words. His tone was gentle but it did nothing to soothe the harshness of his words. “I certainly won’t if they are the reason of your death.”
I looked deep into his eyes and they reflected earnest truth.
I couldn’t take it.
I rolled out of bed and walked out in the balcony, wanting some space between us. I couldn’t believe he would say that. Feel that. Believe that.
I placed my hand over my belly which was double the size it was two weeks ago when Nik first saw me when he came back. I already loved them with all my heart. More than I loved myself.
A warm weight fell over my shoulders when Nik placed a shawl over them. “Don’t walk away from me, Love. We need to talk about this.”
“I don’t want to talk,” I paced away from him. I couldn’t believe that any person couldn’t love their children, especially Nik. He had so much love to give.
“Tough luck. I’ve been putting this off since a long time,” he caught my hand, “we’re talking right now.”
I sighed, knowing there was no way I was going to have my way when he was being like this. “Fine. Then talk.”
“Let’s sit,” he led me towards the swing. Both of us took a seat side by side and looked at the starry night sky. The moon wasn’t shining as brightly so we could see a lot more stars tonight.
“I think you’re being unfair to me,” he started. “You cannot force me to be a father just as much as I cannot force you to abort. I understand that it’s your life, your body and you can do as you choose. But it’s my choice too, it’s my life too and I don’t want to father any children or raise them when they are the reason of your death. You cannot force me to do that.”
My chest tightened when I realised the gravity of what I was asking of him. I was taking his love for me for granted.
“You’re right.” I gulped. “But they didn’t ask to be here,” I caressed my bump, “they are here because of our actions. They are our responsibility.”
“They didn’t ask to be here just as much as we didn’t want them to be here. I know this for a fact Avalyn, before you were pregnant, you had no intentions of becoming pregnant, did you?”
“No,” I answered truthfully. “But now that I am, I cannot murder our children. I would hate myself for the rest of my life. I would not be able to live with myself. And I might even,” my breath caught in my throat as I choked out, “hate you.”
He sucked in a harsh breath. “Hate is better than nothing. I’ll make you love me again. Even if you hate me for the rest of our lives, it will be better than you dying.”
“You’d rather have me hate you till I die than die loving you?” I whispered, my eyes blurry with tears.
“Yes.” He took my hand in his and pressed a kiss on the back of it, “I don’t need you to love me. Neither do I need your love to love you.” He kissed the back of my hand again. “I’m fine being the only one in love for the rest of our lives.”
“How can you love me so much?” I sobbed.
He scooted closer and pulled me into a heart-warming hug before kissing my head. “I love you more than I can express with mere words. It shouldn’t be news to you.”
I climbed into his lap and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. “I love you too. So much,” I sobbed.
“Then please love me more than you love them. Please live for me, Ava.” He cried into my neck, his shoulders shaking as he did.
“I can’t kill them, Nik, I just can’t!” I cried harder.
I don’t know how long we sat there, in each other’s arms, crying and hugging and relishing in each other’s embrace. When the first rays of sun finally hit the sky, Nik said that it was time for breakfast and that I needed to eat.
So we went into the dining room that was already bustling with activities.
“You two look like absolute shit,” Max and Nat came in.
“Shut it,” Nik snapped, in no mood for some teasing. He had bags under his eyes. And anyone who knew him well could tell he had been crying. And I was sure I looked worse,
“How are you?” Nat took a seat beside me while Max took a seat on the other side of Nik with clear intention of annoying him further. But if that took Nik’s attention away from our long night, then I welcomed it. And somewhere, Max knew it too and that was why he was doing it.
“I’m fine,” I forced a smile on my face. “How are you?”
Truthfully, I didn’t even need to ask. The happiness she radiated was proof of her mental and physical health. She had gained a little weight and her belly had grown but it was still half the size of mine.
“I’m good,” she smiled. “And I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something act-” she fell silent when Althea entered with Dimitri in tow.
Tessa had placed an omelette sandwich and an assortment of fruits in my plate, which used to be my favourite but right now, I didn’t feel like I could stomach anything.
“Good morning!” Nat and I greeted the couple.
“Morning!” Dimitri faked chirpiness while Althea faked a smile before they took a seat leaving a few chairs between us.
Nik and I usually had breakfast later than the rest so I didn’t know if this was normal but Nat’s look told me it was. Dimitri’s behaviour had taken a one eighty degree turn. He didn’t smile, joke or even tease anymore. In fact, he barely talked to us. I hated it.
I picked at my food when Max said, “do you know what will help?”
“What?” I asked.
“Blood.” He answered. “I do it all the time. Marinate the food with a little blood and it tastes a hundred times better,” he suggested.
I looked at Tessa who nodded and went back into the kitchen and brought out a glass of blood. I took it from her, opened up my sandwich and unsurely poured a little inside it.
“Not like that,” Max rolled his eyes before he dragged my plate towards him and took the glass of blood before generously pouring it all over the insides of the sandwich. And then a little over the fruits too before he drank the rest of the blood himself and passed me the plate, “try now.”
I did and true to his word, it did taste better, “thanks,” I smiled. But even though it tasted better, it didn’t mean that my appetite increased. Regardless, I forced myself to finish everything on my plate, knowing that Nik would appreciate it.