And I had seen cell-phones in the hands of a couple but they all were flip phones and not the modern touch screen ones. I mean I knew it was bad considering they didn’t even own guns or knew how to operate them but looking at the pack first hand, I realised that it was much more worse than that. And it was going to take a lot of time to bring them to the twenty first century.
I looked at the house Nikolai was looking at and realised that it was his childhood home. I looked at the two storied beige walls and brown roofs. It had a neatly kept front yard and I saw a hint of a large garden at the back. It looked simple and homely. Not what I was expecting at all. I had expected something cold and bleak. But this was almost… homely.
I walked around the car, laced my fingers through his and caressed him through our bond. It was bound to bring back some memories but Nik wasn’t revealing any of his emotions.
“Do you want to go in?” I asked softly.
He didn’t use words to reply, instead, he let out a shuddering breath and then began towards the gates.
Nik seemed on edge as we walked there. As we neared the doors, Nik’s hold on my had started tightening and my worry for him kept increasing. I didn’t know what he was thinking and there was no expression on his face. But his eyes had a faraway look and I know he was deep in his thoughts.
“Nik?” I called softly and his head jerked to look at me, “huh?”
“Do you really want to go in?” I asked and he nodded, “I need to do this.”
We walked down the cobbled path and reached thick wooden door with a brass doorknob. He twisted it and it simply opened.
The ceiling was arched in the passage but Nik had my hand in his firm grip and he swept me across the living room with royal vintage furniture and up the grand staircase.
We walked past multiple doors and passages before Nik opened one.
It was a simple bedroom with a queen sized bed with two pillows facing the balcony which had the view of the garden in the backyard, a night desk besides it and a study desk in the corner. There were two doors, clearly one was the closet and one was the bathroom.
“This was my bedroom.” Nik spoke softly but his voice overpowered the room.
My lips parted as I imagined a brown haired grey eyes little boy sleeping in this bed, hunched over the desk to study and… there was nothing else. No personal items, no pictures, nothing that said the room was his. It was bare and it lacked character.
And I knew Nik liked his space lived-in. The desk in our bedroom always had some or the other paper or file or something he was working on. On the wall hung a picture frame of us at the beach, playing happily in the water. Our nightstands also had pictures. His hand mine and mine had his. We had a couple of indoor plants to make the room lively. Nik regularly brought me flowers which I placed in the vase on the coffee table. We liked pillows on our bed to make it more comfortable. The bed also now had Wolfie-the soft toy Nik had won for me. We had a floor to ceiling bookshelf which was half filled with my novels and half with small collectibles we bought just because it reminded us of each other. Our bedroom was cosy.
“Why?” I didn’t know what else to say to ask him for an explanation.
“Adrik didn’t like to buy anything that wasn’t worth his money. The only place that has good furniture is the living room and dining room. Because those are the only places people would see if they come visit.” His voice was empty as he wandered inside and I followed.
Nik always said that it made him upset that I didn’t get the childhood I deserved. But looking at this, he didn’t either. Sure, things changed when him and Viktoria ran away. But half of his childhood was still bad. Both of us only lived half of our childhood. Mine was the first half while his was second half.
“Did you have a hobby?” I whispered as a chill went through my body as I felt like I was losing Nik the more time we spent here. He looked so lost, so far away.
“No.” His voice was a whisper that the air barely carried to me. “Everything was a waste of time. If I’m not training, I’m studying. Anything less than perfection leads to punishment and no food.” Oh Goddess.
I went to him and slid my arms around his waist, hugging him, bring him back to me from his wandering and most probably haunting thoughts. “I’m so sorry.” I know he didn’t want my pity.
His arms slid around me and tightened. “It wasn’t your fault.” When will he stop downplaying his sufferings? When will he think of himself as someone who has fought hard against his demons and won? When will he see just how amazing he is?
I know he thinks that since he is the Alpha, he has to keep it together, that he can’t show weakness. That he has to maintain a level head and keep going forward. Because if he even pauses, someone might catch up to him and then everyone’s life will be in danger.
But Nik was doing so good in opening up. He was strong in front of everyone but he shared his thoughts and feelings with me. Then why was he holding back now?
And then it suddenly clicked. Was this because of me? Did he think that just because my past was horrible he didn’t have the right to complain? Because his troubles weren’t as bad as mine? Could that be it?
“But it was.” I whispered, my hands bunching his t-shirt. “And it’s okay to say that it was bad. You can complain to me, Nik.”
His hold on me tightened further, if that was even possible. He rocked back and forth and tremors went through his body as he whispered brokenly, “it was bad, Avalyn. It was so bad.”
I understood. I understood him.
I hugged him even harder, pouring all my love in the broken cracks of his heart. Tears rose in my eyes. He might never tell me his full story. Nik had trouble talking about his past. And that was okay. If it troubled him to even think about it, I wasn’t going to ask about it and make him relive those moments.
I loved him anyways, all of him.
Nikolai walked to his wardrobe and opened the doors. He took out a dark blue woollen blanket and looked at it for a moment before bringing it to his nose and taking a deep breath, smelling it.
He released the breath before bundling it up in his arms, “Mom had made it for me when I was young. I had to leave it behind because we didn’t have space for it in our bags,” he murmured.
“Does it still smell like her?”
“A little,” he looked down at it, a small reminiscent smile on his face. I smiled at that.
“Let’s go,” he took my hand and led me straight out of the house.
Ratmir and a few Neos were standing by the car outside the gates.
“Found him?” Nik asked.
“Yes, King Nikolai. We have brought him to the pack house,” he replied.
Nik nodded in reply as he placed the blanket in the trunk before we drove to the pack house. Ratmir stopped the car by the gates and we stepped out.
“Nik!” I heard an excited yell. My head whipped to the side and I saw a female run towards us.
She didn’t look hostile but I froze. Something is wrong. Deeply wrong. I feel it in my bones. I saw Nikolai look at her intently. Did he know her? Was she a childhood friend?
There were tears in her eyes as she ran towards us… no, she was running towards him, her arms extended in front of her.
Nikolai froze mid-stride.
A happy grin formed on her face as she jumped on him, her arms around his neck. “Mate.” She whispered before she crashed her lips against his.