Something bad was going to happen. I was sure of it.
Nikolai walked in with a grim face and threw both of them out, along with Tessa and Eliyah.
“What did she say?” I asked, my voice small.
His eyes turned a thunderous grey. He pressed his lips together tightly. I know he was deliberating if he should tell me or not.
“I have to right to know what is happening to me, Nikolai.” I said softly.
His eyes softened and he came near me and sat by my side, pushing my hair out of my face, looking at me like he was seeing me for the last time.
It scared me.
The back of his fingers caressed my cheek and I covered his hand with my own, giving it a light squeeze. “What is it?” I whispered.
“Your wolf is dying Avalyn.” His Adam’s apple bobbed as he gulped. “And there is nothing really we can do to stop it.”
I bit my lip.
What? Why? How? I have so many questions. But the most important question was ‘what now?’.
“Any normal werewolf wouldn’t have survived it. But your faye side is getting stronger so we think that the spell Mary had put on your mom is slowly disintegrating after her death. And she was already weak because it was passed on to the next generation. So when your wolf finally dies,” a look of pure torture filled his eyes, “you will fully become a faye.”
“And?” There was more.
His eyes slid shut painfully.
“Nik.” I called softly and pleaded, “look at me please.”
“There is a chance that you might not be my mate anymore.”
My heart stopped.
What?
“Explain yourself. Please.”
For the first time in my entire life, I saw Nik’s shoulders fall. He looked like he was carrying the weight of the entire world.
“I am half human- half wolf. You are half faye- half wolf. Our wolves are mates. So if your wolf dies…” He couldn’t complete his sentence.
I cupped his cheek. “Wolf or not, Nikolai, I am your mate. Nothing will change that. I love you with all my heart, body and soul. I am with you not because you are my mate but because I want to be with you.”
His eyes lowered in defeat. “After your wolf dies, you will finally see me for who I am, without the influence of the mate bond. You will finally see the monster that I am.”
I really don’t understand why he keeps referring to himself like that. Like he… like he loathes himself.
Nikolai has always been a confident man with a high sense of self. He’s always self-assured about himself and his capabilities. So much so that he can come off as arrogant. But in front of me, he sometimes cracked, and revealing his inner demons.
And through those cracks, I saw hatred for his own self, doubt in his abilities and in my love for him.
And I heard his demons counter his logic and try to pull him into an endless pool of self-created misery. But Nik is a fighter and he doesn’t let them win. His good side always prevails. His will to do good is stronger than his urge to succumb to his negative thoughts.
Maybe that’s why Nik has such massive walls around himself. He was determined to not let anything or anyone break them and hurt his love ones in any way.
And how glad I was to be inside those walls from the very first day. I’ve never had to work to be let in, to prove myself and fight for the trust he gave so scarcely.
But sometimes, it felt like he had left himself on the other side of the walls. Like he didn’t love himself enough to feel like he deserved to be truly close to his loved ones.
Our family was as tight and as close-knit as a family can be. But Nik doesn’t open up to them like he does to me or they do with each other.
I loved Nik more than I love myself- he was the reason I love myself in the first place. I would have been miserable or probably dead if he hadn’t saved me that one fateful day and loved me like he did. His love healed me. And I ardently hoped that one day, my love heals him of himself too.
My hand slid down his chest and his abdomen, relishing in feeling his muscles clench under my touch. I grasped his hand, brought it up and kissed the back of it. “The world is full of monsters, Nikolai. The difference between you and them is intentions. And you always have the best intentions.”
He stepped closer to me and rested his head on mine. “You might not always think that.” His grey eyes seemed sad. Freaking sad.
“There are times even now that I don’t think that.” I admitted. There are things he did because of reasons I couldn’t fathom. “But I know. You will never ever, ever hurt me. And that is enough for me. I will stay with you because I truly want to. You’re my saviour, Nikolai.” Tears rose in my eyes. I never not wanted to be his mate. Why was this happening to me? To us?
He remained silent for a while. And I let him be. He needs to come in terms with this on his own. Nothing I say will matter unless he believes it himself.
“I’ve been thinking about myself, Ava. Your wolf is dying. How do you feel?” His eyes finally met mine. He didn’t let his demons win but the war within himself hadn’t ended either. But that was a battle in which I couldn’t stand beside him. It was his own to fight and win. All I could do is support and love him.
“I’m not sure. I’ll miss her, sure. But my wolf has been growing weak since a very long time. I’m actually surprised I didn’t see this coming.” I bit my lip. I should have known this. “And I’m not like you that I need to shift every other day. Hell, now that I realise it, I haven’t shifted in weeks.” I let out a breath.
Nik swore under his breath. “I know. Dammit, I should have done something.”
“We’ve been very busy.” And then I remembered the silver haired lady. “Wait, at what time does the run rise?”
“Five.” He replied.
“And what time is it right now?”
Nik checked his watch. “Four forty eight.”
“Shit. We need to find the tree.” I sprang to my feet and then swayed a bit. Nausea hit me again but I breathed through it.
Nik caught me. “What tree?”
“I got a dream. The white haired lady told me to eat one fruit from the tree before sunrise.” And then my eyes widened. “Maybe my wolf won’t die after that.”
“The lady that showed us the palace?”
“Yes… she visited me in my dream when Allie was doing her thing. She told me to do it. I need to have that fruit Nik.”
“And where are we supposed to find it? There are literally thousands of trees in the pack. How will you even know it’s the tree she was talking about?”
“I definitely won’t know without trying.” I said and started walking towards the door but my legs felt like noodles.